Finally deciding to get treatment for my Anorexia Nervosa with Bulimic tendencies took months, years even, and was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I didn't want to seek help but, it teaches you that it's okay to hide from loved ones and you're never as bad as you think you are. Due to my Anorexia Nervosa with Bulimic tendencies, I was almost hospitalized, and that's what it took me to actively seek out help, however it doesn't have to get that bad. You don't want a feeding tube up your nose or to lose out on your life because you have to reteach your body how to eat.

I hid my anorexia from my family for months, and only told them about it when my health started rapidly decreasing. Even after all the EKG's and being told I might have to spend the next two years in a treatment center I didn't want the help. I didn't see myself as sick, I just saw it as a way to get skinny.

I let my anorexia take over my life. I spent two months in a day hospital getting intensive treatment and missed out on being a teenager. My life revolved around graphs showing the correlation between how few calories I was eating and how long it would take me to be put on a feeding tube. I had classes that showed me how to teach my body how to eat again and how to resist the urge to purge (throwing up any food that you just ate). I got lucky and I had great people by my side, I made some of the best relationships I had out of that hospital.

Anorexia is not pretty, it is not just you getting skinny. It is your teeth rotting out of your mouth, it is your ribs poking so hard through your skin you feel like it will burst at any second. It's not just a diet, and it doesn't only affect white females. I was in treatment with boys, people of color, even adults who couldn't hold a job because of the health side affects.

Every day is a struggle and a battle but it's a battle I am willing to fight. I love myself enough to know that my body doesn't only need food, it deserves it.