I can distinctly remember being a small child and swearing I would never have children of my own. It was something I repeated – both to myself and out loud – so many times. Each time was met with the same response: “Oh, you’ll change your mind!” People told me that all I needed was to give it time and the mothering instinct would kick in and I would end up with a litter of children. Even now, when I voice my commitment to not having a baby, it is met with frustration or blown off as if to say I am ignorant or not well matured enough for the decision.
The fact remains, however, that I never plan on having children. To the people who have always told me that I would change my mind, I am almost 21 years old and that instinct or desire has yet to kick in. And to be quiet honest, I think if it were going to, it would have happened by now. I’ve heard people throw excuses my way as if one day I will reach out and grab one and use it.
“You’re too young for that decision.”
“Just wait until you’re married!”
“You’ll end up having them, don’t worry.”
Being a Christian only adds to the snide comments I receive. People honestly question my commitment to God and to my faith. Since children are gifts from God, surely I can’t consider myself a Christian if I don’t pass along my genes to the next generation. My response is how dare anyone call my relationship with God into question? I do strongly believe that children are gifts and they are precious. But I also know that God has not given me the desire to be a mother. If, somewhere along my life’s path, I decide that I am being called to raise a child then I am happy to oblige.
Adoption is something else that always gets brought up. People remark as though adoption is somehow not as honorable as having a child of my own. As if that adopted child is somehow less than or not good enough. But as a person who was not raised by either of my biological parents, I can tell you that’s not the case in the slightest. Never once did I feel any less loved; in fact, I felt extremely blessed and honored that two wonderful people chose me as their daughter. So, when I tell someone that if I did ever want children that I would want to adopt, I can’t understand why they take up arms to say adoption just isn’t the same.
Another issue that people have with my choice is that no one will be around to care for me when I am old and fragile. Or that there will be no one to remember me and my legacy. I’ve pondered this many times and I feel that having children is not the only way to leave a mark on this world. My goal is go out and change lives and help people. And just maybe, I’ll be remembered for my good deeds. It doesn’t matter if one million people know my name after I am gone; as long as I can say I made life better for just one other person, then I am content.
It is my hope that one day I can voice my opinion and decision and have it be met with respect and understanding. I have my reasons for not wanting children. None of which, however, are really anyone’s business. Ultimately, it is my life and my body and I am the one in charge on my life. I just know that children are not in the cards for me. I feel it in my heart that I do not want to be a mother. So, no one has the right to guilt me into thinking it is an obligation or requirement to be considered whole.
