This Sunday is Father's Day, a day for people to celebrate one of the most important men in their lives or even to honor the memory of those that have been lost. However, while Father's Day is a looked forward to occasion for many, it can also be a time of sadness for some -- a reminder of something they've never really had. Now, some people may never have had a father figure, either they never knew their fathers or they left, but this article isn't about them. This article is for those who have fathers that they aren't sure live up to the name.

I knew that from the beginning this article would be hard to write. In fact, I debated whether or not I should write it, but I knew it was important for all the people out there that might feel this way and need to see it expressed in words. However, I hope this article doesn't relate to you. I hope you've never had to wonder if your dad really cared about you. I hope you've never anticipated pride from the person you need it from most just to be a disappointment every time. I hope you've never had to go to the store on Father's Day and read every card that states "You're the greatest dad!" or "Thank you for always supporting me." or "My dad, my biggest inspiration" and set down every single one before leaving empty handed.

But I know you're out there. I know there are people out there who simultaneously want nothing to do with someone who has disappointed them so many times, but also cannot be without them. I know there are those out there who would do anything for their father even though they doubt he would do everything for them. I know there is someone reading this article who loves their dad more than almost anything in the world, but also has never known what it's like to actually have a dad.

I know you're out there because I'm one of you. I know what it's like to constantly be seeking after something you know you'll never have but chasing the blind hope every time. I know that Father's Day is one of the hardest days of the year because it isn't black and white. You don't have one, and you don't not have one either. You have to see all the advertisements of what you are missing, and people just don't understand because you do have a father that's part of your life from everyone else's eyes. So you have to suffer in silence. You have to go to the store and rifle through cards that will never fit and stream through presents that will never be good enough. It just doesn't feel right, but you do it anyway because at the end of the day, you still love him, and you always will no matter what.

People have told me that I should just stop. If my dad isn't a good dad, then don't treat him like one. Don't go out of your way to spend time with him, celebrate Father's Day, or go out on his birthday. But it doesn't work like that. Just because he's never been a "father," he'll always be my father. I will always try to make him happy, I will always try to make him proud, and I will always love him with my whole heart because at the end of the day, he's still my dad, even if I have to go through each day wondering what that really means.

Honestly, this article isn't cheery. There's no redeeming factor or happy ending because there isn't always one. Sometimes in life things are ugly, but that doesn't mean they can be ignored. This article is so important though because I want you all out there who feel like this to know you're not alone. You may always feel like you're constantly being torn in two different ways, stuck in some sort of middle gray space, but at least know you're not there alone.

If there's anything positive here I can say is that there's nothing wrong with loving your dad, even if he isn't what a dad should be because he is all you've ever known. Don't feel guilty. People will always try to tell you what to do. Some people will tell you to love him and ignore the rest, and some people will tell you to cut ties and that you shouldn't love him. However, it isn't black and white. It isn't all or nothing. You are you own person with your own feelings. Never let anyone else tell you your feelings aren't valid. Never be ashamed of how you feel.

I'm still learning myself. I still don't know how to feel; I don't know if I'll ever fully understand or if there will ever be a time where a Father's Day will pass and I don't feel torn inside. All I can say is this Father's Day, if you're struggling with emotions towards a physically present but emotionally absent father, you are not alone. There are people who understand you, and there are people who love you, even if it's not the one person you feel like you need. Keep your head up. I'm walking with you too.