As a kid I always thought I would live in the same house and the same small town for most of my life. Then I grew older and got more comfortable not being home all the time, but occasionally missing my friends. But as you know, time changes; time changes people. You think you will always have those same friends and you’ll go through life and they will always be there. You go through life thinking your family members will be there at least until you have your own kids. But as I said, times change and they change not only people, but outlooks, attitudes and your perspective on life. Going to college didn’t make it easier either.
My first two years of being in a different city and a different area with new people was quite the challenge. It was a living hell and it had seemed as my world was falling apart around me. You have that feeling that you literally can’t do anything to help and it kills you. My first two years, I experienced so much death from family members right after the other. Then one of my best friends in 2014 and another this year. There has been so much pain and fighting it alone may seem like the best option, but quite frankly it’s not. It will make you a bitter person and question things you don’t have answers for. Take it from me, shutting people out, can lead to a dangerous and slippery slope.
About a month or two ago, I caught myself in my thoughts. I thought, “If I don’t think about my lost loved ones every day, am I forgetting them? If I can talk about the person without crying or feeling sad or guilty for not always thinking them, then am I still forgetting them?”
No, I have not forgotten about them. Man you miss your best friend and family members like crazy, but it has gotten easier. You have coped with the notion that they aren’t ever coming back. For the longest time, that thought is something you don’t want to accept. After time, though, you will accept it, and yes, it will tear you up. You will realize another thing as well. I swear I can’t explain it, but when I am going through old pictures, it’s as if you can audibly hear those moments like they just happened. Reflecting back on those times, I catch myself smiling at those moments and remembering.
So with this, if you ever find yourself thinking that you’re forgetting about your sister, brother, best friend, cousin, whoever it is, then you just found it easier to live without them here every day. But those memories that we have of them will live on until we pass on as well. A comforting phrase that almost no grieving person wants to hear is, “In time, you will heal.” You never know when that time comes, but it will. Just remember, not thinking about doesn’t mean you have forgotten about them, it’s just gotten easier to love life without them there.
