The transformation I went though in high school was an interesting one, to say the least. I spent most of those four years trying to learn more about myself while dealing with the hardships that came with it. It was hard for me, like I imagine it is for everyone. I felt as if I had no one to turn to at some points when there were many people right in front of me. I hoped that one day I'd have this big group of friends that I'd be talking to 24/7, but once I grew up I realized that you don't need to be talking to them all the time. If you have a few friends surrounding you and they're good people, you'll be okay. Friends aren't everything, but in high school they're everything. I couldn't be separated from my friends; I was always going to the movies or the mall with them, always going on long hikes and taking photos. The parties seemed to never stop when I turned 16. But then I got older and realized partying isn't really my "thing" anymore and I just want to chill with my friends at home, playing video games or binging Netflix shows.
I remember thinking at 16 I knew everything there was to be known. I was already so "old" at that age, I thought, and I just knew that I had everything figured out already. But don't we all think that way? Probably. Whenever someone tells you that you're "too young" or "don't worry, that'll change once you turn 18", you just push their statements aside and raise your head high with pride. The angst that I felt was tremendous. I had such an attitude towards my mom, too; she was always wrong and I was always right and you couldn't tell me otherwise. Then you grow up and see that things aren't really that way, that you really don't know everything, that there is so much more to learn. Oh, to be that young again with half the responsibilities we have now! It was such a great ride to be on. The naivety is funny to me now that I look back on it; I really thought that everything was planned out for me, that I was going to be living the way I was for the rest of my life.
High school was hard for me. Aside from the depression and migraines, like I said I was trying to figure out who I was. My sexuality was confusing for me; I knew in middle school that I was bisexual, but I didn't really know what to call it until I was in my junior year. That's when I figured out I was pansexual. At first I didn't really like labels, but now I have pride in who I am. Back then, though, I was tired of people calling me bisexual but didn't know what term it really was. I really do believe that finding out that part of you will really help put things in order for yourself, because it just feels right to know. When I revealed it to my friends, I wasn't afraid of being turned away. It really helped bring calm to my life to be able to say who I was without the fear of the unknown of others. I also firmly believed that I wouldn't make it past a certain age during high school, but look at me now! Here I stand, almost done with the GE part of college, transferring to a university, doing things I never thought I'd do. It's amazing, really; we're so strong and we don't even realize it.
I think the best part about my transformation is the styles I went through. Going into high school I was in my scene phase. I had the long scene hair and dark makeup, then I chopped it all off and went through my boy phase. Like I mentioned, I was confused about my sexuality, and dressing as a boy helped me a lot. I would wear boxers every day. I dyed my bangs blonde and started wearing lighter makeup eventually. Then, I started growing my hair out and started dressing more "girly", but I always wore skinny jeans no matter what. I still don't like wearing shorts but on the occasion I will. Now, I don't even have a label for the way I dress, but it's my Sydney style.
Now, after all the ups and downs of high school, I made it through the biggest transformation I've ever gone through. I nominate to myself 'The Most Changed from High School Award'. I know as I continue to get older there will be other "phases" and styles I'll go through since we're always changing. This time, though, I'll be more open to the changes because it is refreshing to me. I will welcome all the new parts of my life to come with open arms instead of trying to force things to stay the way they are like I did in high school. Here's to all the new things to come!