I don't know if it's because "Cuffing Season" has officially begun, or if everyone just feels like complaining about their love life on social media all of a sudden, but I'm starting to see a trend on every social media platform I'm a part of. Words like “ghosting”, “abuse” and “relationships” have been the biggest topics on my timelines and somehow, I don’t think these three words necessarily go together.

I’m going to say this bluntly, I don’t believe that ghosting is a form of abuse. I believe that ghosting is inconsiderate and I believe it’s a terrible thing to do. However, comparing ghosting to any sort of emotional abuse is insulting to people who have actually gone through emotional abuse.

Here is where I stand: no one owes you a relationship. When you decide to date, you are putting yourself at the risk of being hurt. Relationships can be messy, heartbreaking and confusing. I won’t say that they are easy. Even if you truly believe that you are with your soulmate, there are going to be times where you will feel hurt by the person you are in a relationship with. No one is perfect and relationships tend to magnify that.

When a new relationship begins (at least for me,) I have high expectations of the guy I’m with. I expect chivalry, respect, and common kindness. And in return, I will try my absolute best to put everything I can into the relationship. Sometimes, I’m let down and that’s okay. I pick myself up and move on, which is what you need to do when a guy (or a girl) ghosts you.

You need to have high expectations for yourself. If you’re swiping through Tinder, I encourage you to stop. 9/10 times, no one truly worth it is on there. If the person you’re talking to isn’t taking the time to get to know about your passions, your dreams, and your fears, they are not worth it. If you only see this person in the middle of the night, I can assure you, it is not worth it.

If the person you’re talking to seems genuinely interested in you and ends up ghosting you, move on. They are not worth your time. If your nightly hook-up only wants to hook-up and nothing more, do not expect more out of them. If they are honest about their feelings, do not try to change them. They do not owe you a relationship. You cannot expect them to change because you want them to be your arm candy on every Instagram post.

Real love is a mutual respect for each other. You respect their time, their boundaries and everything about them. If you feel like you’re not getting this respect, do yourself a favor and leave the relationship where it stands. People will make time and effort for the people they truly care about. Do not let drunken texts, Snapchats, and Twitter DMs fool you.

And if someone ghosts you, know that it hurts. Your feelings will be hurt because your expectations weren’t met. This is the feeling of disappointment and it’s okay to have that feeling of disappointment. It happens.

However, that feeling of disappointment over a person ghosting you does not equal abuse. Emotional abuse is serious and can have traumatizing effects. If the person you went on one date with decides to ghost you, that is not abuse. Please stop comparing ghosting to emotional abuse. It’s okay to get your heartbroken. It isn’t okay to compare your broken heart and expectations to a person who is emotionally traumatized by actual emotional abuse. So please stop doing that.

Anyways, dating and relationships aren’t always fun. Feelings get hurt and expectations aren’t met. I promise that the person who is worth it is out there. Just keep looking