"You're a People Pleaser." I thought the definition was pretty straight forward; someone who likes to put others before themselves. Wrong.
People-Pleaser: Noun. (plural people pleasers) An obsequious, subservient person, especially in a workplace.
Subservient. Really?
When I think of myself, I never once thought to associate myself with subservience.
Being someone who values strength and independence, I felt somewhat ashamed of how others perceived me. For the longest time, pleasing others was something that took priority over my own needs. And while it was rewarding, it came with consequences. I was easily manipulated, and found myself bending over backwards for people who didn't deserve any special treatment. I was subservient. This new understanding of what it meant to be a people pleaser sparked a change in the way I wanted to treat myself. With high school coming to an end, I made it a point to change my inner people-pleaser. College was an opportunity to redefine myself and show everyone that it is possible to be a good person without sacrificing a strong sense of self. I was ready to rid myself of my infamous reputation of being a people pleaser.
College had its fair share of obstacles, and I'll admit it was difficult for me to wholeheartedly prioritize my own well-being in a new environment. But in the end, I was able to make genuine friendships staying true to my own morals, and prove to myself that I did not need validation from others to feel happy.
As I reflect nearly two years later, pleasing others was my form of validation. My lack of confidence made me think that being liked by others would be a solution to all of my problems. This naive mindset is probably why I made excuses for my mistreatment for as long as I did. On top of that, I noticed how important it is to have a strong support system. I made an effort to surround myself with people that would be a positive influence on me. My friends, both from Binghamton and home, are incredible. Although far from sane, they are some of the most genuine people I have ever met. They are all completely unique in their own special way, but share one thing in common: they don't give a damn about what other people think. It's ironic that all of my friends are so carefree, considering I spent so long being uptight. But I can honestly say, that they have helped shape me into the strong, confident person who I am today. In the end, being mistreated prompted real change in my life. I do things that make me happy, and live a more carefree way of life. And most importantly, I finally stopped being a people pleaser.
