As an almost 25-year-old woman in a serious relationship, I receive a lot of backlash when I tell people that no, I don’t want children. I never have and I’m pretty sure I never will. I say “pretty sure,” because obviously, I can’t predict the future or where my future husband and I will be mentally, emotionally and financially in 10 years, but chances are, I’m going to be child-free by choice.
More often than not, in the same breath I drop the “no kids” bomb to my friends and family, I find myself frantically explaining away my choice to not have children and feeling like I somehow owe it to people to justify my choice, when in reality…I DON’T!
That being said, I KNOW I’m not the only chick in her mid-twenties who doesn’t ever want to spawn a child, and I know how much crap girls get from friends, family, and society for not wanting kids. For everyone reading this who is thinking, “How could she not want a baby?!” rest assured, there are multiple reasons for my (and other peoples') decision.
1. There is so much violence going on in the world right now
It seems like every morning I wake up, I hear about another mass shooting or hate crime. It's gotten to the point where people are legitimately afraid to be in public places or attend a pride parade because something as beautiful as celebrating love can be so easily tainted and turned into a massacre. The thought of someone as innocent as my child being brought up in a world where no one and nowhere is safe, is extremely disheartening, to say the least. I don't want my child to be shaped by this society and its shortcomings.
2. There are zero guarantees
I know that sounds like a cop-out, vague reason, but it's true. In this life, there are no guarantees. There are no guarantees your marriage (assuming you choose to get married) will survive raising a child(ren), no guarantees that your child will be born healthy, no guarantees that your child will be a wonderful, model citizen. I feel like a lot of people have kids because it's the "natural progression" of their relationship, because it's expected of them, or because they ~love babies~ and want one to squish and snuggle. What people sometimes don't realize is that there are some pretty big risks that come with getting pregnant and having a baby; and there is a very real, albeit unfortunate, possibility that you will have a child with a severe, life-threatening disability that won't just be dependent on you through college, but for the rest of its life. By no means am I saying you would love your child any less, but it would considerably complicate your life plan.
3.My kid might end up like me
And that scares me a little bit. Sure, I have some great qualities, and I can honestly say I’m proud of the person I’m turning out to be, but there are also some things about me that I would never ever in a million years wish on my child. Example: I struggle with mental illness that is, more often than not, genetic. Clinical depression and generalized anxiety are both mental illnesses I’ve struggled with for almost 9 years, and while I currently have it under control, it’s still a very present part of my life and always will be. I don’t know if I could handle watching my child suffer through the mental anguish I suffered through my teen years and early twenties, knowing that they inherited it from me. Sure, there’s a very real possibility I could have a child that will never know what it’s like to have anxiety or depression, but if I took that chance and my kid ended up like me, I’d never forgive myself.
4. I am WAY too selfish
I’ll preface this one with saying that I genuinely LOVE children, and they have always gravitated toward me. I’m obsessed with my 11 month old nephew, and seeing him smile and hearing his belly laugh are two of my favorite things in this world. I’ve been babysitting since I was 11 and I’m a full-time nanny; I love both SO much. I love the bond I have with my nanny kids and I truly do believe (along with everyone else) that I would be an awesome mom. As confident as I am in my mothering abilities, I’m not confident that I wouldn’t regret having children or resent my children for changing the focus of my life.
I know, I’m SO horrible for not having kids because I want to preserve my freedom [insert sarcasm here]. Several women have stood by the fact that they would never trade their children for anything, yet constantly reminisce on life before children and talk about how much they wish they could “just get up and go” whenever and wherever they want. I have a career to establish and build, and a life-partner I want to be able to be adventurous and spontaneous with whenever I want!
The bottom line for me is that I’d 100% rather not have children and deal with the microscopic possibility of regret over not having them, then having children and wishing I never had them. That’s unfair, not only to me but (more importantly) to my kid, who didn’t ask to be born with parents who would rather be doing something else.
