Dear Anxiety,
You showed up completely unexpected at a difficult time of my life. I was moving away from home for the first time and I was already having a hard time with it. Then you came around and just made things worse. It was like someone was going through a magazine looking for the weakest person and there I was, on the sale page.
You paralyzed me. I had completely fallen into your trap and I didn’t know how to get out. I didn’t feel like myself anymore. I was terrified. My family and friends tried to help me but there was nothing they could do. It was a fight I had to face on my own. As I tried to build up the courage to fight back, I learned I am not the only one whose life you have invaded. I learned people everywhere suffer from anxiety and that it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
You have been in my life for six years now. While I wouldn’t consider you my best friend, I also wouldn’t consider you my enemy. Although you tried to consume my life, I learned how to cope with your wrath and how to live my life as normally as possible. You still show up and the absolute worst times. Sometimes I still find myself paralyzed by the effects you have on me. While I will admit that while there are some days where you win, there are more days where you lose. Over the years I have learned the best things to do for myself to distract me from the storm you can bring when I least expect it.
While you have definitely brought about some bumps in the road, I wanted to thank you. I wanted to thank you for helping me become who I am today. Thanks to you, I have learned more about myself than I could ever imagine. I learned that there is a difference between being anxious about something and suffering from anxiety.
Today, I am stronger than I have ever been and I would like to give you some credit for that. When you first came around it was as if I had been crushed by a 500-pound tree branch and I couldn’t lift it back up to set myself free. Now, not only have I found the strength to lift that branch off of myself, I have found the strength to toss it out of my way.
Now, I can’t give myself all the credit for overcoming all the obstacles you have thrown in my way. Throughout this process, I learned there is nothing wrong with finding a doctor you can talk to and maybe even taking something to help make you feel better. Although anxiety is not a physically visible disorder, it is something you cannot help and there is absolutely no shame in treating it in the best way that works for you.
To sum it all up, I just want to say nice try. You put up quite a fight to take over my life but you didn’t succeed, and you never will.
Ally
