I was only five years old when I got diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. However, I've lived with the symptoms for pretty much my entire life. I lived without a diagnosis for two years -- totally unsure of what it was that made me different from all of the other kids my age. Not that I was any less confused when I got diagnosed; but at least I had one answer. One reason why my brain worked the way it did.

One reason why panic attacks became the norm. One reason why I had to go to the nurses' office daily. One reason why counselors became my new best friends.

One reason why I am labeled not-so-normal.

Getting diagnosed with an anxiety disorder at only five years old changes you. Your outlook on life totally changes, and your biggest fears are more plentiful. A world that is supposed to be filled with wonder is tainted by the countless worries that fill your brain. If I named you all of the things I used to be afraid of (some of which I'm still afraid of), we'd be here for ages.

I was always different as a kid. I was labeled as "the weird one," or, "the one who wanted to skip class," the one who "made everything up just for attention."

I was afraid to go to most places, do anything unfamiliar, or make friends. It’s not that I wanted my life to be like that...I was slowly being overcome by anxieties. I would get horrible stomachaches every day, fighting irrational fears that prevented me from doing things that “normal” kids want to do or do without thinking. I wouldn’t go anywhere unless I knew there was a bathroom that I could use right there. I couldn’t do what I wanted to do, because I was struck with fear of all the possible bad things that could happen -- worried about things that wouldn’t and couldn’t happen, but wouldn’t leave my mind. I liked the idea of being by myself at home, in a place where I knew I had control, knowing that I couldn’t get hurt or sick.

With an anxiety disorder, nothing is easy.

Car rides to places besides home consisted of fits and resulted in panic attacks. Meeting new people was scary, school days were terrifying, and being by myself or away from my family was unimaginable. As a five year old, you're usually scared of spiders, snakes, the dark, you name it. For me, all that was on my mind was the overwhelming fear of death, and the idea that nothing is promised; fears that five-year-olds should never experience.

Tasks that are seemingly easy are sometimes impossible with anxiety. The fear that there is a possibility that you could screw up even the easiest thing deters your mind from putting your all into something. Even if you know you can do it, your anxiety disagrees with you, telling you that you can't do it.

Anxieties are paralyzing.

Anxiety causes your brain to go in overload mode more than 95 percent of the time. Every thought that crosses your mind is soon overthought; your brain takes one thought in a million different directions with a million different outcomes. Your brain automatically thinks of the worst possible scenario, trying to scare you away from making decisions; sometimes it's good, but most of the time, it's stressful.

Everyone with anxieties has those days where they feel like they are wearing a plastic bag over their head, or that they are on a planet that's a million miles away. Every thought is a worry, and every minute is a battle. Every step is a mile, and every breath is a trial. It's a struggle to breathe some of these days.

And that's the thing, even after 15 years, I still can't predict when those days are coming.

I don't know why they're coming. I don't know why being around people for a certain amount of time makes me anxious. I don't know why every time I eat, I'm scared about throwing up. I don't know why every time I walk by myself there's always the thought that maybe I could get kidnapped or killed. I don't know why sudden changes sets off a panic attack. I don't know why I can't make up my mind on things. I don't know why I say "sorry" so much, and "no" so little. I don't know why I have a hard time trusting people.

I don't know why I'm scared of everything.

Until last September, nobody knew about my anxiety disorder, except for a couple of close friends, and, of course, my family. The stigmatization of mental illness made me scared to ask for help or share my story in fear of being seen as being weak or strange. That was the last thing I wanted; I don't need affirmation for the things that my anxiety makes me feel like I am.

I do know a few things that this anxiety disorder has provided me with, however: strength, knowledge, and a passion for life that I've never had before.

Yeah, this anxiety disorder is a pain in the butt, and I wouldn't wish it upon anybody, but it's made me fall in love with life a little bit more. It's shown me that nothing is guaranteed. It's taught me that life goes on, despite the occasional dark clouds. It's proved to me that I can do anything, and I can get through anything, even when my brain tells me I can't.

I have now lived with this disorder for 15 years, and it's definitely provided its ups and downs, but if I could go back in time and have the option of getting rid of my disorder and never experiencing it, I would say no. I know that I would not be the same person I am today without it. I would not be so passionate about life, and I definitely would not be nearly as strong as I am now.

I believe that with everything, there is always a silver lining. Even if that "something" is an anxiety disorder. I'm still here. I'm still breathing, and I'm still fighting.

To anyone that struggles with anxieties, depression, or other mental disorders and illnesses, you are not alone. Don't be afraid to ask for help, as this is the strongest possible decision you could make. Don't let the demons in your brain tell you differently. You can do it.