There used to be a running joke in my family, with me being the baby, that one day I’d meet a nice boy. The comment was alway playful, sometimes thrown into the wind after wearing something more conservative (contrasting against a more sheer option), after a bad happenstance of stumbling across yet another toad, or a general comment on me being the young and single one amongst a family all paired up with families of their own.

It never really bothered me; I often hoped and thought the same thing. I was sick of chasing boys who weren't even blazing the same trail as I was. I was disappointed in meeting dude after dude that resembled a piece of white bread with their blandness more than an intricate human being. I was so fed up with boys who were more interested in what my body looked like in the darkness of their rooms instead of discovering the intricacies woven throughout my brain.

I was sick of constantly thinking when am I going to meet a nice guy?

I know "one day you'll meet a nice boy" was, and still is, said in good fun with the belief that one day I'll be happily settled and in love with a decent dude -- and I appreciate the sentiment and lightheartedness behind the saying.

However, me being me, I dissect the statement to see it for more than it really meant to convey.

"Maybe you'll meet a nice boy." Maybe? Have our expectations of men really sunk that low where we just "might" stumble across some kindhearted guys? Now, I don't really associate the saying with this extreme of an analyzation, but that doesn't mean there isn't some underlying truth to it.

Here's the thing: I have met nice boys and I've befriended them. There are actually nice dudes everywhere, we might just not recognize them as such. Listen, everyone's got a little piece of asshole in them -- we're all imperfect, flawed, and prone to being a little douchey. That being said, despite blemished qualities or tendencies, there is a separation between someone who's sucky and someone's who's actually pretty solid.

You should be able to figure out the difference pretty quick.

Here's another thing: just because you meet a nice guy, doesn't mean you have to be with that particular nice guy. I've heard time and time again people ask me why I'm not interested in someone or don't want a relationship with someone.

"But... he's nice right?"

Being nice shouldn't be the sole qualification for choosing a partner or the only deciding factor when determining if you want to date someone.

A lot of my guy friends are these "nice guys" and I couldn't be more grateful for them. They're supportive, funny, entertaining and I know they'll always be a shoulder to lean on when my world is cracking beneath my feet. And no, they are not friendzoned -- plenty of them have girlfriends (even though that doesn't matter when discussing the quality of a person's character).

Being nice just doesn't cut it for me and it shouldn't for you either. When I was in my early teen years, my sister-in-law told me to never settle for anyone -- never settle for less than I deserve or less than I want. Nobody should settle. It's great that a dude is a good guy and is kind to you, but he should also make you feel confident, beautiful, comfortable. Don't settle because he's nice even though he doesn't understand your sense of humor and you never laugh about the same things. Don't settle because he's polite but can't handle your personality and consequently, you feel silly or foolish or too much of "something" for him. Don't settle because he's the first decent guy you've come across and you're not sure if you can find someone you're more compatible with.

Don't settle until you find someone who you can have fun in the grocery store with. Don't settle until you're with someone who jams as hard to tunes in the car as you do. Don't settle until you're with someone who calls you just because. Don't settle until you feel like you can't be any more of yourself with anyone else. Don't settle until you're with your best friend.

There's also this implication I am looking, like it's a priority for me to have a boyfriend. I understand the statement is coming from a place where people genuinely care for my wellbeing and overall happiness, however, it's important to remember while male attention and companionship is idealistic in theory, it's not a main prerogative of mine at this point in my life.

I'm traveling, studying, writing -- I'm trying to "work on myself" by focusing on things that are important to me beforeeven investing myself in a relationship. It's a condensed period of my life where sure, yeah, it'd be cool to have a boyfriend, but quite honestly, I'm perfectly happy with my life the way it is right now.

I feel confident, artistic. It's taken a long time for me not to be reliant on attention or the validation of others, men in particular, but I've finally reached this incredibly crucial type of self esteem. I want to hold onto this independence for a little bit.

Maybe one day I'll meet a nice guy, yeah. Maybe I already have. Maybe I just haven't found the right guy, but hey... who said I was even looking in the first place?