I was extremely hesitant to write this article because it isn't the typical thing you would want someone to know about you. I debated it back and forth in my head numerous times and finally concluding that it needs to be shared, because if just one person reads this and can relate, then it's worth it.
I am the girl who lives to please everyone. I am the girl who spreads herself so thin she is transparent. I am the girl who strives to put smiles on the faces of her friends, family, co-workers, and mere strangers.
I am the "yes" girl. Every instinct in my body tells me I can't let my friends down, I can't let my family down, I can't say no to this or opportunities will be lost. I try to be in eight places at once and am always running faster than my feet can handle.
Though sometimes, I am the girl who can't take it anymore. The girl who is overwhelmed in tiredness, hopeless, disappointment, and failure. I chase this fable idea that I have to say yes to everything.
I have been living a life that wasn't for me. I have been giving the multitude of my time to others, and not myself.
But this winter break, God has been working in my life. He has shown me that it is okay to say no and it is okay to stop moving and simply be.
I realized that so much of my energy and time has been poured into others. And while I love my friends and see them as nothing less, I have been devoting too much of my time, energy, and worries striving to make them happy.
My New Year's Resolution starts with me. It is about saying no when necessary, and letting go of the idea that I need to meet the needs of everyone because that life is tiring and simply never enough. My life is not about placing my self-worth in the approval of others, but in myself.
God has opened my eyes to the life I have been living, and will lay out a path for me to the life I am supposed to live. He has shown me that there is a better way, where I will come to peace with myself and the world around me.
So day by day, I will slowly become more of an advocator for myself and my happiness. I will adjust to spending time alone, doing the things that I love, and indulging in the things that make me happy.
I realized that some people can go go go, without ever stopping to take a fresh breath of air, but that isn't me. I thought it was, but eventually, it became too much and I was left broken and empty.
This is 2018, and this is my year.
I WAS that girl who sought to make everyone around her happy, never saying no and giving time to myself, but this year I will become the girl who finds the strength to say no, and lives for herself.