Ringing in the new year seems to put most people in the grip of the world-wide fallacy that means it is time to turn over a new leaf, get back to the drawing board, start over, or recommit to improving oneself in some way.
What a bunch of horse hooey.
After many years of observing the New Year's "resolution" phenomenon, I have become a little suspicious of the Hail Mary passes at defining oneself at 11:59 P.M. on December 31st. I may sound jaded, but let's take a walk around the local New Year's Eve party and eavesdrop on some of the Average Joe's who are all revved up about the coming year.
I suggest we start at the refreshment table. It is laden with chips, dips, sodas, booze, cookies, brownies, truffles, pizza, Chinese food, and any number of other high calorie, high fat, low-to-no nutrition type of snack foods. Pick your favorite and imagine it is there. So, taking the opportunity to schmooze with those who linger around the food, I can guarantee you will hear at least a baker's dozen times:
"Mfff ohhfe toowa weef".
Translated, that is "I'm going to lose weight" while horking down chocolate peanut butter cheesecake and Doritos. At the same time.
"Yeah, dude, I'm going to stop drinking so much," says his companion as he lets out a belch that would make a trucker blush, raising a can in salutation.
Let's leave them and make another stop. Oh, look, over there in the corner is another fine specimen. He is on his phone, texting away.
"Who are you talking to?"
"No one. I just ordered some new expensive running shoes," he replies.
"Oh, do you do a lot of running?" you ask.
"No. Gonna start."
"Is that your New Year's resolution?" you wonder.
"Nah. My New Year's resolution is to stop impulse buying."
So, this year, don't make resolutions you know you won't follow through on. Yes, maybe New Year's is a good time to "start anew", but why then and not, say, last October?
"What about Thanksgiving? What about Christmas? All those goodies! It's impossible to stick to a diet then!"
Well, if that is your mantra, then don't bother with New Year's. After all, during the year there will be Easter, Fourth of July, birthdays, anniversaries, retirement parties, graduations, President's Day, Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Overgrown Toenail Day... let's face it, there is always a reason not to follow through.
Maybe your resolution this year should be not to be deluded into making a promise to yourself that you won't keep. Avoid purchasing expensive clothes dryers (exercise equipment on which we hang wet towels and nylons) and focus on being consistent in maintaining good habits, common courtesy, and mutual respect for each other.
I raise my glass to those who are about to avoid participation in New Year's Delusions.
And don't forget to drive safely for crying out loud.
(Above examples are taken from real life. Names omitted out of compassion and disgust.)
