Honestly, whoever told you that fate is real and that things turn out a specific way is full of shit. It's almost 3 a.m. on a Sunday night, and I feel like I have nothing to say. I'm sitting at a desk overlooking campus while everyone else is asleep in their beds. I'm listening to Spotify, trying to get all my thoughts down on paper, trying to make sense of my crazy mind. Recently, I've been having trouble writing. I'm not sure why but it's been hard to even type a couple sentences down. I'm a natural born writer. I always have been. It's been my easiest way to communicate with someone, and it's been the easiest way for me to get my ideas across to people. So why am I having troubles as if I'm blocked? Someone I love has moved abroad for the semester and I think tonight I just needed a way to vent... maybe this was the reason writing isn't possible for me.
I hate the kind of people that make us, the "nonbelievers," think that situations turn out a certain way because that's how it's destined to be. Let me ask you this: Was it fate that he needed to move away for four months? Was that necessary for me or our relationship? Screw the people that tell me, yes, it was needed, and it would make us stronger in the long run. In my brain, him moving away was another test. I could go on and on for days about my life and why this whole situation is hurting me inside. Yes, I'm trying to act strong like nothing hurts me when he is across the world having the time of his life. The thing is that love can only carry people on for so long. Don't get me wrong, I do love him, but situations like this shouldn't happen for a reason. I know people do this all the time. It's different for me, though, it feels like someone else I have loved has left me. This goes with the overall title and purpose of this article.
Was it fate that my life should be turned into people leaving me who are supposed to love me and vice versa? Was losing my dad to his addiction to drugs supposed to happen for a reason? Let me tell you this, nothing ever has to happen for a reason. Crap just happens. I don't believe the people who tell me day in and day out that the things I have endured throughout my life were all pointing me in the direction of being a strong, independent woman. None of that is fair. I didn't ask for these things to happen to me. Writing is my home; it's my passion. If someone tells me that maybe my trouble with writing was supposed to happen, I'll have a field day. I'll scream and throw things. Life just happens. We go through ups and downs. All you can do is carry on. Just like F. Scott Fitzgerald said, "So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."
