My mother has always told me that going through a breakup is exactly like trying to quit smoking. The first couple months are the hardest. Your cravings are bigger and stronger than they’ve ever been, and all you can manage to think about is satisfying this craving that’s consuming your soul. As the days pass, the cravings are still there, but they ease up. You’re doing your best to not think about them by occupying your mind with everything and anything you can. Before you know it, you’re going weeks without a passing thought about your “cigarette” and you think you’ve finally kicked the habit. Then bam. All of a sudden out of the blue, you’re tempted. Your “cigarette” calls you up and starts begging for you to give them yet another chance. The memories, the pain, and the heartache all come rushing back as if they’ve never left. Now, you have two choices: stick to the routine, keep up all your hard work and ignore their pathetic excuses as to why it didn't work the last time and how it will totally be different this time, or fall right back into this vicious cycle by picking that cigarette up and letting their toxic smoke fill your lungs.
If you are anything like I was, you go crawling back almost immediately. You know deep down in your heart that this time won’t be any different from the last, but you don’t care. This is all normal behavior, because no matter if it’s a person or a drug, this is an addiction- and it does not discriminate. Now, when this "try" goes South—and honey, it will—you’re going to be right back to square one. Crying alone in bed, having to go through the withdrawals of quitting smoking all over again.
Toxic relationships have a special way of ruining you in more ways than one. Believe me, I would know. I spent three years of my precious time on and off with someone I was so sure I’d spend the rest of my life with (how naive of me, but I know this now). Yet in the moment—at the peak of our disastrous love saga—there was so much time and so many feelings invested; What else was I supposed to think?
When things are good, they are amazing! You’re so in love. You’re at the top of the top and nobody can bring you down. On the other hand, when things are bad (which in a toxic relationship, is most of the time) you never think that you’ll be able to get back up again. You are run down mentally and physically. You are drained and you have no energy to even fake a smile. Your friends and family notice a difference in you, and most importantly you notice a difference in yourself. You’ve lost your happiness. You’ve lost it with your partner, and especially with yourself. And ladies, once you've hit this point, there is no turning back. No matter how many times you decide to give it another try, the outcome will be the same. You will both fall back into the same unhealthy patterns and habits. Old problems that you thought were long solved will rear their ugly heads, and no matter how hard you try to convince yourself that you’re happy—you’re not.
Happiness is not wondering if they will be mad at you for saying hi to your friend who happens to be a male. Happiness is not staying up staring at your phone while they're out with their friends waiting for a text. Happiness is not stalking their social media to find out if they really were where they said they were last night. Happiness is not them accusing you of lying over and over when they are the ones constantly getting caught in lies. Happiness is not feeling your heart drop at the sight of their name on your phone because you don’t know if they are calling to break up with you again or not. And happiness is definitely not them undermining your feelings, telling you that you are stupid, or mentally abusing you.
Ladies, take it from me… if you breakup, it is for a reason. Live your life, move on and don't waste a second more of your time. There are much better things ahead of you than what you're leaving behind. Do not make the mistake of letting things escalate like so many of us do, because before you know it you will be in far too deep to dig yourself out. Being in a toxic relationship is exactly like smoking. You’re craving it as it kills you slowly. Get out while you can. You’re better than this, and you can absolutely kick this nasty habit.
