“You know I really did mean it when I wished you the best.”
We’ve all had that one boy that we “just can’t seem to stay away from.” Yeah, you know that guy with the gorgeous eyes, killer smile, the one that can make you laugh in just about any situation, the one that you can talk to about ANYTHING, the one that makes you feel good about yourself. The one that makes you get butterflies in your stomach like a middle school crush. The one you have sooo much history with... Yeah, that one. That’s all fun... Until it isn’t.
You know what isn’t fun? The passive aggressive attitude when all you did was ask “how was work?” the slow response to texts and sometimes none at all, constantly having to question whether or not he’s telling the truth when he disappears in the middle of the night and pops back up at 4 AM. But don’t you dare question him or ask where he was or why he constantly does that to you because you’ll be “accusing him,” “attacking him,” making him feel bad,” “acting crazy,” like seriously, c'mon girl, you need to chill. Here’s why that doesn’t work, and no girl should allow herself to be treated like that.
What I’ve learned quite recently is to FOLLOW YOUR GUT INSTINCT.
If you feel something just isn’t quite right, it probably isn’t. If you feel he’s lying to you about something, simply ask him.
If you immediately get a defensive response, there’s your answer right there. To have someone constantly lie to you really does something to you. It hurts your self-esteem because you’re always asking yourself why. Why am I not worth the truth? Am I not good enough? But that’s the thing right there: you cannot measure your worth by how a guy treats you or you’re going to lose yourself.
But that’s not what this article is about. Those were just a couple quick pointers.
This article is to say it’s completely okay to want to hold onto someone especially if you have a history with them. It’s completely okay to try EVERYTHING you possibly can to try and make it work. But if you keep trying to make it work and it continues to not work, it honestly becomes such a masochistic situation. It’s toxic and eventually as hard as it is you WILL be forced to just let him go for good.
After you do cut him off for good... Well, first off, if you get up enough courage to cut things off, I’m proud of you! It’s very hard and something you just take one step at a time. “Put one foot in front of the other and soon you’ll be walking out the dooooor” - sorry guys, it’s Christmas time, I had to! Anyway, here’s how this is going to go for you:
One thing, one REALLY big thing, is going to make you have enough and completely cut this person off.
At first, when you do, you are going to feel every emotion known to man. You’re going to feel relieved because you’re not arguing with someone every day, you’re going to feel proud of yourself because you never thought you’d actually let go, you’re going to feel angry for the time they wasted especially if you had a future planned, but unfortunately you’re also going to feel sad and empty, confused, and shaken up - especially if he goes out and starts a full relationship with the girl he was lying to you about the whole time. But here’s the thing: this will all pass. If he does the above situation be thankful - be soo thankful - because, well, she knew about you, so karma's a bi*** and you’ll be soo totally disgusted that you won’t want to talk to him... Or you’ll call him 79 times - whichever works.
The best thing you can possibly do is wish him the best, because at one point he wasn’t the person that does these awful things to you, at one point he made you laugh on your hardest days, and at one point he was one of the best people you knew - so wish him well and mean it. He still has a place in your heart and always will. After having almost a decade of history with someone, you really only want good things for them, you’re just sad it had to end that way.
That’s the way I feel, anyway.
After that, you won’t want to talk to him.
You’ll be doing everything you can to forget him. You’ll be keeping up with your responsibilities, focusing on your future, and really leaning on family and friends, enjoying things you like to do (ie hikes, skiing, snow tubing, working out, etc.) Which is what you should be doing. If you see him before you're ready to, keep this in mind, “It’s going to be okay,” “It’s okay to feel,” and “It’s all going to be over soon.” If you pass him in the car, your whole stomach is going to start doing backflips - and not the good kind.
You just have to tell yourself he DID you the favor.
You could’ve spent the rest of your life putting up with that nonsense and stress. You’ll be glad you didn’t. In the meantime, focus on yourself, your priorities, your family and your friends, and most importantly, your dog. Remember with New Years here... “Don’t pick up the phone; you know he’s only calling cause he’s drunk and alone” and sometimes good guys do bad things especially when they’re confused. Remember the person he once was, really truly want the best for him, and move on for good because you will thank yourself. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow... But I promise you that five years down the road you'll realize you made the right decision!
