Being 20 years old, I am on the precipice of what was always described to me as "the real world": no safety net, pure responsibility and a lot of bills. It's weird to think that just as I'm regaining my footing in the new school year, my second-to-last first semester is half-over. With that being said, confusion and anxiety are the proper mixes of to my excitement and enthusiasm for the future. It would be nice to think that the nights spent studying, teaching and performing are slowly forging a future I can live happily in, but I'll see.
These past two years have required me to work harder than I ever have before, and the next two that follow will push me even further. For that, I am forever grateful to all of my professors, friends and other people that I've met who have consistently dragged me towards the next day when I wanted to remain oblivious to adulthood. It may sound like all I want to do is be forever young and never want to grow up, and if you think that, you're not entirely wrong.
I have never believed that people are designed to do one thing for the rest of their life. It just never made sense to me that two to four years in college should predetermine the next 40-50 years of my life. With that being said, I understand that my status as an Education major at Marquette University seems to be leading me towards a future as a teacher. But as the this semester is dragging me towards its end, all I can think of right now, to quote my favorite Cloud Nothings song, is that "I really want time to be useless" again.
Each passing year seems to consistently outrun the previous one: moving quicker and quicker towards even more restless days. These days now have really have started to blur into each other to the point where my class schedule is the only marker that I have to indicate what day it is. It only seems natural to crave the days when I would only wake up to addition problems and no definition of what a bill is. I could spend my days not needing to do anything for anyone, happily useless. But those days are gone and at times I feel conflicted as try to recapture those disappearing days while keeping myself afloat so I can make sure that I can make it to the future.
All of these things that I must do are because of my somewhat voluntary decisions. My life really consists of a few things with each requiring me to do a lot. Two jobs, gigs with band, teaching students and being a student myself has overtaken my life. Life is like a balance beam at this point and all I can do is work to make sure that I don't fall off. I know working hard is what I need to do, and something that I don't mind doing. But like everyone else, sometimes I just need time to do nothing.
