“I’m so anxious,” is a phrase you’ve surely heard many times in your life. In fact, you’ve probably spoken those exact words yourself on multiple occasions. This phrase can be frequently heard in times we are placed in stressful situations, such as a last-minute cramming sessions before a big test, before an important job interview, or while waiting in a long line to use the restroom with a full bladder. In these situations, our state of anxiousness is temporary; eventually that excited or nervous sensation in the pit of your stomach goes away, and you and your nervous system return to a state of normalcy once again.
However, for some of us, that anxious feeling never fades away; instead, it follows us around like a dark, threatening cloud looming ominously over our heads. For us, being anxious is not a temporary state reserved for stressful situations we find ourselves in -- it’s an enduring, 24-hour-a-day seven-days-a-week disorder. In the past, anxiety was not classified as a medical problem; in fact, many people nowadays still believe that people with anxiety disorders are simply seeking attention or are just "worry warts" who work themselves up into a frenzy. They simply need to "take a chill pill." However, the medical world now recognizes anxiety disorders as actual disorders and has thankfully provided some methods to manage them more effectively, too. Still, what it's like to deal with an anxiety disorder can be tough to explain to family members and friends, who can also find it difficult to understand. The best description I can conjure up for you is that living with an anxiety disorder is comparable to having a parasite inside your mind that continually sucks any enjoyment or sense of comfort from your body. For those of us with anxiety, our nervous systems are constantly in a state of stress. Our minds continuously reel through scenarios or over-analyze every syllable of a conversation, and there's no way to just turn it off.
It's important to remember that one does not choose to have an anxiety disorder; trust me, many of us wish we could get rid of our anxiety for good. Furthermore, anxiety is not a problem that can instantly vanish with therapy or medication in most cases. Usually, it is a lifelong, uphill battle for us in handling our anxiety, but we are not alone in our struggle. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, anxiety disorders are the most common mental health problem in America today. Approximately 40 million Americans suffer from an anxiety disorder, which is 18 percent of our country's population. The umbrella term “anxiety disorder” includes an assortment of disorders including phobias, panic disorder, social anxiety, and generalized anxiety disorder.
People with anxiety disorders struggle daily with negative thoughts, illogical worries, feelings of restlessness, and enervating fears of failure. We can’t help but expect the worst outcome to result from whatever the situation at hand may be. We may logically understand that some of our worries are irrational, but we cannot stop ourselves from dwelling on them. You may notice we apologize persistently even if we’ve done nothing wrong. Those with anxiety also have tendencies to internalize their negative thoughts and feelings instead of vocalizing them, usually for fear of being labeled a “party-pooper.” With social anxiety, we often seclude ourselves from relationships, which can be misconstrued by those closest to us; friends may feel we're "blowing them off" or family may worry we are becoming hermits. In social situations, we may view our presence as more of a bothersome burden than a benefit. In large crowds, those with social anxiety may feel overwhelmed, similar to what a claustrophobic person might feel in a small crawl space. People suffering from panic disorders experience panic attacks, which are spurred on by an array of triggers and can cause physical symptoms like shortness of breath, sweating, and a racing heartbeat.
Perhaps one of the most distinguishable features of anxiety disorders is the way they cause our minds to think and process situations. For example, take a somewhat stressful situation like noticing that you've lost your wallet. A person without an anxiety disorder would understandably be worried, would probably go back and trace his or her steps, and think something along the lines of: “Oh no! I lost my wallet! I wonder if someone turned it in. I should retrace my steps. I should also call and cancel my credit card before someone charges something on it.” However, a person with an anxiety disorder who lost his or her wallet’s mental dialogue would sound a bit more like: “Oh no! I lost my wallet! What if I never find it again? That wallet was so expensive — my mom's going to hate me when she hears I lost it. She just got it for me two months ago… Oh crap! What if someone steals my identity? What if they get arrested and charged with a felony under my name? What if I end up going to jail? What if I got a life sentence?! Geez, I’m such a screw-up. Everything is my fault! Everything is always my fault. Why can't I just do something right?!”
Anxiety is not the same thing as depression, and depression is not the same thing as anxiety. However, they coexist fairly often. One disorder can lead to the other and vice versa, but in most cases, anxiety eventually leads to depression. Since both anxiety and depression are heavily associated with negative thoughts, they are also linked to the same neurotransmitters within the brain. However, the main difference is that those with anxiety typically fear the things that could go wrong, while those suffering from depression have no hope that things will ever go right.
It's important to note that living with an anxiety disorder does not mean we can’t ever have fun. It does not mean that we are never happy. It does not mean that we can’t smile or laugh. It does not mean that we can't enjoy our lives. Don't get me wrong, we do and will probably continue to have some bad days where our anxiety gets the best of us and it feels like the weight of the world rests on our shoulders, but there will also be wonderful days when our anxiety is manageable. The amount of anxiety we are dealing with at a specific time affects how we relate to those around us, and it's important to keep that in mind. We may cancel plans, act a bit irritable, or altogether shut our loved ones out once in awhile; try not to be offended or take it too personally. It's very possible that our anxiety is at the point of bubbling over or we are in need of alone time to recharge our mental batteries. If you really want to be supportive, the best thing you can probably do is to just listen rather than talk to us at these times. Asking us how you can help us or what's wrong with us isn’t usually helpful, as strange as that sounds. The majority of the time, there probably isn’t a whole lot you can do for us. With anxiety, we sometimes don't understand what's even going on inside our own minds or causing us to worry so intensely. Just being a in our presence to lean on or listen can help substantially.
At the end of the day, as frustratingly exhausting as living with an anxiety disorder can be, our everyday grapples with anxiety make us who we are as people. Without the struggles that our disorders place on our shoulders, we wouldn’t be who we are — the people you know and love. Having struggled with anxiety for years, I know that being constantly anxious is not a characteristic I readily and proudly accept. There have been lots of moments in which I wish I could just not care or worry about anything ever again. Though it can be immensely grueling to break through the barrier of anxiety in our minds, it is possible. Our anxiety disorders affect our relationships, shape our personalities, and form our viewpoints of the world around us. To wish away our anxiety disorders is to wish away ourselves and who we are. Though I've envied those who "live in the moment" and never plan or think ahead, I have gradually come to accept myself as I am. Yes, my anxiety causes me to worry all the time about little things, have periodic breakdowns, and be classified as a glass-half-empty person. But you know what? My anxiety also increases my awareness of the world around me, motivates me to be productive and succeed, develops a strong sense of empathy and compassion in me for understanding others' problems, and aids me in my process of self-growth.
