Believe it or not, credit for the topic idea for this article goes to my mom.
When raising a child, most people will tell you that they want the best life possible for their kid. A big part of trying to achieve this is to try to give their kids what they wanted from their parents. To try to one-up their parents for the sake of the kids. However, this is not always what the kids want most from their parents.
For example, my mom, who was the eldest of 6 growing up, often felt the neglect that results from the self-sufficiency of her older age in an alcoholic home, which her parents would take advantage of. My mom longed for greater attention and to be treated more like a child and, in turn, acted out as a young teenager. I am the oldest of my three siblings in a much stabler home, and so my mom has done her best to make sure I am not put in the same position just because I am able to take care of myself easier. But now that I'm much older, 19, I am very ready for some neglect.
I'm not saying I want my parents to kick me to the curb. I very much appreciate the care and affection my parents have given to me. I do enjoy having a place to live without paying bills, and not having to cook for myself all of the time. But goodness, am I ready to move out (even if I'm not completely financially ready to do so). I have reached the point in my life where I have tasted the thrills of living on my own, or with people my age since I have lived in dormitories for the past three school years. I love living at home too, but it is not nearly as fulfilling.This is because I am not being challenged or given a chance to help myself. One of the greatest parts of living away from my parents is being able to figure things out for myself without intervention. And you might think I should be able to do this at home, but if you are a mother or a father, I'm sure you struggle as much as any other with letting your kid fail miserably. But it is so important to let them do so.So, here are some things that I really need from my parents in my life right now.
Space. I need more time on my own to figure things out. This does not mean I don't appreciate your input or your concerns, but they are something I will be temporarily ignoring for the most part because without them, I can find out who I really am and what my own abilities are.
Consistency. This is one thing I've very personally struggled with in my relationship with you, Mom. I feel that often there are times when you say one thing and then change your mind later. This is usually about things you think are okay for me to do or not do. Having a real sense that there is consistency in your opinions on my actions will be welcome.
Equality. This goes along with consistency because I am treated as an equal adult a large amount of the time, but not always so. I am 19 and deserve to be treated as an adult all of the time. I know that sounds terrible because you don't want me to be an adult with all of its struggles, dangers, and responsibilities, but this is all part of my process of growing as a person. Being treated as such by the people who have always provided things I could not for myself will give me the opportunity to help myself grow. You've helped me do so for my entire life of almost two decades, it must now rest on my shoulders in order to make me stronger.
Understanding.Gosh, you guys just don't understand me! No, I think I've gotten past that stage. However, there are still times when you fail to understand my point of view on things. This sometimes makes you upset, or question my motives, but it is not your place to do so anymore. I simply want you to understand that I have my own perspectives as well as my own way of doing things and expressing myself, and this can be heavily related to the generational gap we experience. So many more things are acceptable these days compared to when you were growing up.
Long-Distance Support. This is something you guys are already great at, and is something that I wish to continue. When I know that I always have a support base at home when I am away on my own, I feel as safe as I did when I was with you. This support doesn't mean calling me every day, or always checking up on me through other means. It just means that I will appreciate the occasional chats, the "We love you"'s, the small allowances of cash when I'm not doing well (money is always great), or just a reminder that you are around if and when I need you. Though I say I want space, it doesn't mean I want you out of my life. I'm ready to leave behind the term "dependent" (sorry if that means taxes are worse for you guys).
I will forever appreciate everything my parents have given me, and the notion that they've done everything to make my childhood better than theirs is representative of one of the most selfless loves there is. A child will pretty much always want more from their parents in some respects, and in my case it has been very little. Now, as I'm really getting into adulthood, these are the things I really want from you. If you can only try to give me these, I will be so grateful. I know it will be difficult, and things will take time to adjust - but the effort is what I would like to see. I myself will do my best to not be so cold to you, to show appreciation for what you've given me, and to remember to call you and not make this a one-way relationship.
To any kids or teenagers, especially people near to my age, consider this: what do you want from your parents at this point in your life? Don't think of material things, think of something greater. Attention, space, support, quality time, whatever it may be. To any parents, I suggest asking your kids this question - you may be surprised by their answers, and it may lead to a stronger relationship for you both.