Need-based love is when we focus on our point of view or our culture’s point of view. We expect others to meet our needs and make us happy, or to fulfill the expectations of culture. This is the type of love where people in a relationship tend to focus on their own wants or needs. Everyone experiences need-based love at some point in their life. As people, we all want to be loved and to love others.

This want sometimes makes us “needy” for attention or affection. It’s not selfish to be needy and feel the need to experience this kind of love. We all deserve a little bit of need-based love in our lives. Human beings have this innate need to be loved and to love, so it is not self-centered to want your spouse, partner, or even friends and family to express love in the ways you feel you needed.

Sometimes, we feel this way because we do not feel loved at all or sometimes love is needed situationally.


Need-based love can come whenever you are having a bad day or week. As soon as you're having a bad day, you may want that certain person to hug you, kiss your head and tell you that everything will be okay. That loving assurance we seek after a bad day is an example of someone expressing need-based love. You tell that person hoping that they will show you the affection that will ease your anxiety and calm your nerves.

That neediness is okay, and it is not selfish. Other times, we search for this type of love within our family and friends. We ask for their time and attention on our bad and good days. We want to feel like they genuinely care about us. Wanting need-based love from our friends and family is like reassuring of their love. The bottom line here is to not feel needy or selfish for wanting to feel loved by someone.

It’s okay to want affection or attention from others, just as long as you do the same for them.


Need-based love can be a healthy and positive thing, but do not search for love in a place you know may not exist. Don’t expect love from someone who may not be capable of giving it to you. Invest in people who are willing to invest back in you. You should want love from someone who wants to love you. That’s the need-based love we all deserve.