We need to experience pain. No one likes to feel pain. Not by accident or on purpose, not from themselves or from others. To be clear, I don’t mean an enjoyable pain from something like working out. I mean pain that for whatever reason we don’t want to feel because it’s bad and it hurts. Pain like falling down, getting punched, arguing with a loved one, a break-up or a betrayal.
But pain in life is inevitable.
No, this does not excuse the causing of pain for pain’s sake. But we still hate hearing things are going to happen regardless of precaution, action or location. We like to have control over our lives and the realization that life is going to have negative moments makes thinking about the future less enjoyable. Arguably the two biggest painful realities in life are death and taxes. We lose loved ones and have to give up a portion of our earnings. On any scale, one goal of all beneficent and well intentioned authorities such as governments, parents, etc. is to protect those they love and for whom they are responsible.
Adrenaline junkies and daredevils don’t like to feel pain when performing their feats of daring but they do it anyway because the rush of jumping a row a of buses or climbing a mountain with no safety equipment and getting through unscathed drives them to do it anyway. To push the limits of human endurance is manifest in all of us and we express it in different ways. When they get hurt, they go through recovery and get right back out to what makes them happy and feel alive. They can’t wait to go do it again because risking pain with the intent of not feeling it gives such a rush!
Let’s make it a little more personal: learning to ride a bike or ice skate. Despite encouragement from family and peers, we are reluctant because we don’t want to get hurt. Scraping your knee or palm hurts; falling on your butt on the unforgiving ice or pavement hurts. But here is where the saying “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” comes in to play, because not only are we stronger, but we are smarter and that experience helps us to perform better.
Were it not for pain, whether physical, emotional or otherwise, we would not learn how to survive on our own, even in the modern world. Experiencing pain in life helps build resistance to it and that experience of pain is felt only by ourselves, for while we all have similar experiences, only you know exactly the kind of pain you feel. What doesn’t have to be done alone is the recovery. The experience we have recovering from pain can make a difference in how we approach new situations. We establish closer connections with friends and/or family, we take up new hobbies or make commitments to protect ourselves like being more careful. Much of this rides on whether or not we recover alone. We may do something alone but there is always someone watching and hoping for us to come out alright.
What we all hope for during the times of pain in our lives is for someone to be there to help us if and when we fall. Go for a long walk along an isolated road with a friend and scream out your frustration or get a hug from someone you love and be held tight and close. Sometimes we know we shouldn’t be alone and so we want to sit with someone in silence just to feel the presence of someone who cares. Having someone to count on for a few minutes can make a tremendous difference in how a situation is handled. There is always strength in numbers and it is important to be part of a group that can provide love and support when needed. While we all experience pain, we do not and should not have to experience all of it alone. Do your part to be a positive presence in someone’s life; it doesn’t have to be a constant one but be present for each other in times of need. We are all going to experience pain in our lives. We do not need to experience it alone. But we need to experience pain-- not just because it’s going to happen. If we did not experience pain then we would not be able to guide those we love and care about through theirs.
