Four weeks ago, I wrote about how I was actually scared to start college. The reasoning behind that was because I hadn't said goodbye to everyone I wanted to, and I really didn't want to leave anyone behind. Well, it's been a month, I've been consistently working my way down my list of essential friends, and I think I'm going to get everybody I want to in just under the wire. But today, a whole new fear struck me.
Today, my brother left to go on his college experience (studying Digital Cinema at TC3), and the week before, my sister left to start preseason at MVCC as a goalie for the girl's soccer team. While I'm happy for both of them, and I'm excited to see them achieve what they've always wanted, I realized they've given me a brand new opportunity: after eighteen years of being a triplet, I was finally an only child.
The first thing I noticed is that, for literally the first time in my life, I have a room to myself. For those of you who have siblings that you share a room with, I can tell you that this is a very liberating feeling. You have a whole, private space to yourself; no more intrusions from siblings, whose only logic is "this is my room too"; no more late nights because they won't go to bed when you do; no more listening to snoring from across the room. You can wake up at your own time, without being disturbed. It's probably the greatest feeling I have ever known (which, in retrospect, is kind of sad).
What I didn't expect, however, were the responsibilities that come with being an only child. I am now the sole supplier of laundry, that I need to wash, dry, fold, and put away. I have to take care of two animals: a rambunctious, anxious dog that pees when she's excited, and an aging, passive cat that poops and throws up whenever he feels like it. I have to take care of the dishwasher, drainboard AND other dirty dishes in the sink. The list goes on.
If this makes me sound like a lazy, privileged millennial, it's because that's exactly what I am. The "lazy" aspect comes from me being, yes, lazy; the "privileged" part comes from me having two other siblings to help me take care of all these things; and the "millennial" aspect comes from me being born in 1996, something I actually did not have control over. The main point I'm trying to make is that I wasn't alone in doing these tasks. And the fact that they are probably so simple to a regularly-functioning adult sparked a new fear in me: If I can't even remember when to feed my dog, how the hell am I going to be ready for the responsibility of college?
College is, historically, a time to find your independence. That means, along with finally being able to go out to parties your parents would never let you go to in high school, you also become in charge of nearly every aspect of your life. Only you can decide whether or not to go to class today. Only you can remind yourself to do that assignment that's due tomorrow. Only you can make sure you have clean laundry and a decent meal every once in a while. One of my main fears is that I won't be able to shake the laziness out of me, and I'll fall behind. This would be a good time for Uncle Ben to step in and give me some good advice.
Perhaps my biggest fear, though, is that the homesickness that I will inevitably feel will overtake me, and I'll need to go home. That's not what the college experience is for, and I honestly don't feel like wasting $26,000, part of that in loans, just to freak out and leave after a week. I would be more than disappointed in myself; I would be mortified, because so many people back home believed in me, and I don't want to let anyone down.
But I know I'm overreacting. Homesickness is a normal feeling in college kids, especially freshmen, and both my brother and sister seem to be thriving in their new environments (meaning that they haven't run screaming into the night yet). I know that, really, everything is going to be okay. Leaving home is a necessary step in the developmental growth of an adult, and I'm still incredibly excited to be able to go to Purchase this fall. After all, it isn't every day that you get to chase your dreams. And while it was nice being an only child for a week (by the time this article is published, my social experiment will be over.), I think I'd rather be a sibling over anything. I'm not even good at laundry, anyway.
