Timberwolves – Karl Anthony-Towns
- They just wanted someone, anyone, who could replace Kevin Love. That's
exactly what they got with Karl Anthony-Towns. Hopefully he doesn’t leave them
for free agency in the prime of his career.
Lakers – D’Angelo Russell
- Apparently, the old rookies didn’t brew Kobe’s coffee to perfection and one time
they picked up his dry-cleaning a bit late.
76ers – Jahlil Okafor
- They wanted to pick the most talented player and ruin his career in the worst kind of way.
Knicks – Kristap Porzingis
- Who? Is he here on a work visa?
Magic – Mario Heznoja
- Wanted to one-up the Knicks by selecting another European player who will have maybe three good years before being deemed too small/weak/untalented for the NBA.
Kings – Willie Caulie-Stein
- DeMarcus Cousins is leaving, so they wanted to pick a player who was least likely
to complain about being traded by George Karl.
Nuggets – Emmanuel Mudiay
- They really didn’t send any mixed messages to Ty Lawson with this pick.
Pistons – Stanley Johnson
- 99% of people reading this forgot about the Pistons after 2004. This pick didn’t help
their case by selecting someone named Stanley Johnson.
Hornets – Frank Kaminsky
- Michael Jordan selected him.
Heat – Justise Winslow
- Wanted to serve justice after LeBron left them all alone.
