Citing just about every aspect of Donald Trump's life, America's writers of satire reported on Friday that they are finding it hard to keep up with the ambitious satirical career of our future President. Though this was not a surprising announcement, it certainly overshadowed Aleppo, just as every other headline this week has.
"I thought [Trump] winning the election would bring in the next Golden Age for satire," reported a clearly shaken up Timothy Brandon, editor in chief of No News Is Good News. "But with every article we write, he seems to take it and run with it. He's always one step ahead of us."
So what does this mean for the future of entertainment in the news?
"Maybe the government will take over," said a desperate and heartbroken writer at Painless Prints who wishes to remain anonymous. "I hate to say it, but if Donald Trump came into our offices right now and applied to write here, we would hire him in a heartbeat. He's that good."
Recently, it appeared that the satire game against Trump was going to make a comeback, with hilarious articles poking fun at his connections to Russia and his popular Twitter account, but, unfortunately for "fake news" sites across the nation, every single piece of information in these articles ended up being completely true.
"We thought we had a great fake Twitter account all set up," explained a social media correspondent from Truth? Magazine. "We wanted to highlight the President-elect's disregard for important issues and his obsession with public image. However, lately we've just been copying and pasting all of Trump's real tweets, and our fanbase loves it. He's made us kind of lazy."
Is this the end of independently-run satire? Will this be just one other thing that Donald Trump runs into the ground?
"I'm just getting sick of it," reported the guy who is writing this article. "Every time I go to write a good satire, it always has to be 'Trump, Trump, Trump.' The King of Comedy. And he's already got such great work out there, I don't feel like I can even compare myself to him. Everything I write is just a Trump wannabe."
"That guy sucks," said Donald Trump, in response to the guy who is writing this article. "Time to retire the boring and unfunny writing. Tucker Atwood's Trump impersonation stinks. Media rigging election!"
See, I just can't compete with that. I'm sorry, everybody.
