Education isn’t about learning or being smart; it is about self-determination and striving to be and do anything that you want to do in life. When I was a little girl, I wanted to be the President of the United States; I wanted to rule the world. I told my mom of these plans, and she told me that in order to make that happen, I needed to do well in school and stay as strong-headed as I already was. I made it my mission to make sure that I was the best I could be. I started reading when I was four, with help from my father. He used to sit with me on his lap and make me point out the letters and sound out words. I was ahead of my class and other kids for my age. This continued to be the pattern during my elementary years; I was learning long division at seven years old. My parents always pushed me to strive for the best and work hard for everything.
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Once I got into middle school things were different. I was placed into a school that was a mix of four different elementary schools. I wasn’t with any of my friends from my school and knew no one. My very first day of sixth grade, I was pushed down a flight of stairs by a boy and was severely bullied.
Once this was taken care of, another issue came up. I was to take the TONY exam for math. This subject was one that I was decent in, no problems. I took the test, and after a few weeks went by I was called to the guidance office for a meeting with my parents and the NYS Math Coordinator. He told my parents that I had a learning disorder and had failed the exam miserably. My parents asked how I failed and why. Turns out that when I took the exam, I put only the correct answer to each question. So I only received one full point for each question. The man asked why I did this and I said that I knew the answer and was able to figure out everything in my head; I didn’t need to write it down.
After this, I went through a series of tests and found that my IQ was extremely high. Most would think this is something that is good news, but for me, it was the beginning of a downhill spiral for my education. From this point forward, it was a constant struggle. I graduated high school and wanted to go to Plattsburgh State for international business law. My parents didn’t feel I was ready to go away to college, so they made me attend a community college that was nearby. My first semester performance was less than successful, so I transferred to a community college that was in my local town. Here I got my act together and managed to graduate with my Associate's in Humanities on the Dean’s List. This was the beginning of my budding love for English.
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When I first came to Oswego, it was spring 2013, and I was most definitely not in the right frame of mind. On one hand, I was extremely excited to finally be going away to school, one that I loved and knew would be a positive experience, and finishing my degree. I was moved into Onondaga Hall and out into a suite with five other girls.
But the other half of me felt very differently. That half of me was keenly aware that I was by then 21 years old, and most of my friends from back home were getting ready to graduate that semester. Despite my excitement, I was extremely upset with the fact that everyone I knew was going to be graduating and I wasn’t, and still had another two years. There was a part of me that was struggling with the past and the decisions I had made, which had brought me to the point I was at. If I had just gone to Oswego from the beginning would I have finished on time or would I be in the same situation?
I was angry and upset with myself. In the end, I had a hard time working up the desire to attend my classes or do any of my schoolwork. I didn’t go out and party a whole lot, though at times I think I should have. I truly believe looking back that I was depressed but did not want to accept it. At the end of that semester I found out that my grades were horrible and I was put on Academic Warning. I had until the end of the following semester to pull my cumulative GPA above a 2.0 or I was going to be disqualified from school. The following semester I still did not have myself pulled together and ended up performing badly again. I was then disqualified from school and forced to go home.
After being home for a semester I was able to come back to Oswego, and I needed a semester in which I could try to recover my GPA. I went into English classes, because they were classes that I knew I would do well in.
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This moment and semester was the turning point. At this point in my academic career, I found myself the happiest I had ever been. Though still majoring in Geology, I was extremely comfortable in the work I was doing in my English classes and discovered that I had a true passion and desire to read and write. The work I was doing gave me a sense of comfort during a time in which my position within the college had been compromised. Being in those English classes enabled me to get good grades and feel empowered to make the decision to change my major to English. This was a great place for me to be within my academic career considering the track record I had thus far.
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But it hasn’t solved all my problems, either. After changing my major to English, I thought things would be easier for me. Granted, my class load is high, but the content is easier for me, since this is something I excel in. But in all reality, making the switch has made things even more complicated in a different way -- when it came to figuring out what I wanted to do after graduation. There are so many aspects of the content area that I like and enjoy. Still, there were times that I would sit and think about what I want to do with my life, what career I want to have and where I see myself in the next few years. I draw a blank. I am beyond scared. I worry that because of my lower cumulative GPA, potential employers won't want to hire me because they might think that I am not smart. Or they might see that I have been disqualified and hold that against me, rather than seeing it as a growing experience.
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I firmly feel that there should be companies and organizations that choose to focus on the quality of education rather than the quantitative aspect of knowledge gained. I think that there are too many instances in which people are denied a job or even subjectivity within the workforce because the GPA they posses from college is too low. Employers do not take the time to think about factors that influence people during their college education. Some people are really bad test takers, such as myself, which can greatly influence the grade a student receives in a class. Some of my grades are lower because of this reason exactly. I have no problem understanding material, but when it comes to multiple-choice exams, I am horrible.
If employers were to give people a chance to explain their GPA and their attributes, they would be pleasantly surprised to see that they might actually have a great potential employee sitting in front of them. Though my GPA is low compared to other recent graduates, I am confident in the skills and abilities that I have gained through my education, and I know that there will be something for me out there, as soon as I decide what it is I would like to do. At this point, I am not sure specifically what I would like to do, but there are a variety of options that I can consider with some extra schooling and time. I have a love, drive and passion for reading and writing that I cannot deny – I wish they could understand that and appreciate its value. I have a skill set that many college students do not necessarily acquire through the years. I have an extensive knowledge of writing. I have been able to take my writing skills to a level that was never expected, and that is important. In many fields, employees should be able to write in an organized and clear manner. I also feel I have been able to look more into text and the various components behind it, whether a book or an essay. I look now for central metaphors and structural differences as well as paying close attention to detail and editing areas. These skills are not usually gained by a science or finance major, so I feel their value is large and makes me more marketable.
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My parents supported my change and tried to get me to make the change 3 years ago when I first came to Oswego. That always seemed to be the trend when it came to the decisions I make. My parents always wanted me to do what they suggested; I wouldn’t do so, and then something would happen and I would eventually end up doing exactly what they wanted. There was a time when I finally realized that maybe I should listen to my parents and accept the support that they always gave.
I realized that throughout my college endeavors my parents had always been there for me. When I decided that I was going to goof off and not do the things I was supposed to do and ended up basically getting kicked out of college, they were there. They still continued to push me and help me get my head on straight. At the time, I was not grateful for the things they were helping me with. My mom would nag me to make sure that I was doing my work and managing my time well. I would get frustrated because I felt as though she was treating me like a child. But I realize that everything that she was doing was for my own good. I wish I could go back, because I would change the way I acted during that time and I would make sure to say thank you over and over. There are plenty of students that do not have a good support system at home; their parents do not really care about what they do and what they might need help with. My parents are behind me 100 percent in anything and everything that I do and for that, I am grateful!
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This brings me to where I am at this moment in time. I have been pondering the thought of going to grad school for editing or publishing. But I’m not sure this is something that I would be into. I search for jobs that I am qualified for right after graduation, and there are some options, but as I mentioned before, I am not sure if they are things that suit me.
One thing that I do know for sure is that I finally feel secure in my academia and comfortable with my decisions. I am graduating at the end of this semester and the feeling is amazing -- to know that with everything that I have been through, I pushed through to finish. I am hoping that considering the important and valuable skillset that I have and mentioned above, that I will be able to find something that I am qualified for and would enjoy doing. As a reflection on the last seven years, I truly feel comfortable and happy with the decisions I have made and the various bumps along the way that have led me to where I am right now. Now I will mark the end of one journey with graduation and the beginning of another in Arizona.
