Anyone who has ever been in a long distance relationship recognizes the stigma that comes with it. It seems like everyone has an opinion on your love life, all of sudden. People are constantly making judgmental remarks like, "Aren't you afraid of being cheated on?" or "What's the point in being with someone you barely get to see?"
I've been in a long distance relationship for nearly two years, and my personal favorite comment is, "You're basically single, anyways. Shouldn't you just end things now before it gets worse?" Worse? My long distance relationship is, arguably, healthier than others I know who get to see each other every day.
Being in an LDR is anything but easy, but there's no rule out there that says they have to come with these stereotypical problems. Why does it have to be automatically assumed that your boyfriend is going to cheat on you if you live far away from each other, or that your girlfriend will get tired of having to put up with the distance between you, and just give up? It's time to sort out the myths and truths surrounding long distance relationships, once and for all.
1. Myth: If you're in a long-distance relationship, you're more likely to get cheated on.
This is the most common remark I get from people when I tell them my boyfriend and I go to college nearly six hours apart. Not once, have I ever worried about either he or I being unfaithful to each other. Distance doesn't just automatically make someone decide to cheat on another person. If your significant other cheats on you, you owe yourself more than just blaming it on distance. That person cheated because they weren't happy in the relationship, not because the distance made them do it. Long distance relationships are hard, but they don't make couples unhappy with each other. It's also such a cop out to say that cheating is more likely to happen when distance is involved. Plenty of couples who see each other every day get cheated on, sadly. Cheating isn't a result of long distance, it is a result of an unhealthy relationship.
2. Truth: Long distance relationships help you become more independent.
This is something that has taken me a while to appreciate. When my boyfriend and I first began to experience long distance dating, I immediately thought about how much better my life would be if we weren't separated by all of the miles. If you asked me today, though, I would say that my long distance relationship has strengthened my relationship with myself. I know how to be alone way better than I did in high school, and that is such a valuable lesson to learn. You cannot count on a single person to complete you, make you constantly happy, or to always be there for you -- physically or emotionally. Being on your own, while your significant other is far away, teaches you how to be content with being by yourself. You learn a lot about who you are as an individual, and if you don't know who you are without your boyfriend or girlfriend, you are setting yourself up for a lot of discontent in your life apart from them.
3. Myth: It is impossible to be in a relationship with someone if you never get to physically be with or see them.
Welcome to 2016, when we are lucky enough to have technology such as FaceTime, Skype, texting, email, and so much more to help us communicate with others. Take advantage of that technology! With all of these tools, it is impossible to say that you aren't able to properly communicate with your boyfriend or girlfriend who doesn't live near you. Sure, it isn't the same as an in-person conversation, but it is an important aspect of long-distance relationships. In any relationship, though, you can't just rely on physically being with someone. There needs to be that emotional attachment. A relationship is at its strongest when the two involved in it are comfortable without having to hear from each other at every hour of the day. Being in a long distance relationship forces you to miss your significant other more than if they lived just a few doors down from you. That feeling of missing each other doesn't have to be a sad aspect of your relationship. Missing your boyfriend or girlfriend is good for the two of you. It makes seeing each other again that much more exciting.
4. Truth: If you and your special someone can make it through long distance, you can make it through almost anything.
Having distance between you and your partner is, without a doubt, the hardest thing you may ever need to deal with in a relationship. Distance can create tension, and that tension can in turn lead to arguments or fights that typically wouldn't be as big of a deal if you two were physically right next to each other. That being said, when you learn how to handle conflict with your partner in a long-distance relationship, you've pretty much become a master at handling anything that life throws your and your significant other's way. Suddenly, the little fights you two have don't seem as crucial as they did before. You're just happy to be together, and all the things that used to be issues are now just blips on a radar. A lot of other couples you may know might not be able to get through the things you and your boyfriend or girlfriend can get through. In that sense, your relationship is 10 times healthier than other relationships.
5. Myth: Being in a long distance relationship is basically the same thing as being single.
You would not believe the amount of people who have approached me and tried to convince me that if I broke up with my long distance boyfriend, my life wouldn't be that much different than it is now. After all, whenever you aren't with your partner, you're basically single, right? Nope. That's what people need to start realizing. If your partner goes to the same school as you, or lives in the same town, would it make sense to say that every time they are apart from you -- even if it is just for an hour or so -- you become single for that part of your day? No, it wouldn't. The same logic applies to long distance relationships. Just because I don't see my boyfriend for a few months at a time, I don't become a single woman for those few months. If we were ever to break up, my life would be a hell of a lot different, and not for the better. When you're in a long-distance relationship, it hurts just as much to be broken up with as it would if your partner was physically near you.
6. Truth: Long distance relationships are hard.
No one is saying that long-distance relationships are easy. They can be the hardest kinds of relationships out there. For me, having distance between me and my partner has been the hardest thing I have had to learn to cope with. When your significant other is far away from you, there is a lot of hard work that goes into maintaining that relationship. You have to put in extra effort, effort that some of your friends may not recognize is worth it. At the end of the day though, all of that extra work is worth every mile between you and your boyfriend or girlfriend. You become happy to do all of the hard work. Hard work becomes something you look forward to doing for your partner, because you know it makes both you and them happier with each other. No relationship is easy, even the ones without any distance whatsoever.
It is easy to judge something you do not know. It is also easy to give up on a relationship because of how many miles separate you and your partner. At the end of the day, I would rather have the hardest relationship in the world than give up the bond I have with my partner. Distance only creates problems if you let it. Be proud of your long distance relationship -- you're going through something so rewarding and under-appreciated that others will never get the privilege of going through.
