My Summer Of Recovery
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

My Summer Of Recovery

"The thing is, recovery is a choice I have to make everyday."

19
My Summer Of Recovery
Jessica Sirnic

We overcome by the blood of the lamb and the power of our testimony. That's what scripture tells us. It's absolutely true, but sometimes I get tired of the testimony part if I'm honest! Not everyone is called to share the intimate details of their life openly with the world around them, but when they are, it's scary. For the past year I have had many confirmations from the Lord that I need to share my story with those around me. I have been feeling the need to do so again. So, I pray that my experiences can encourage you.

This is the story of my recovery. I've been at it since May of this year. Today was my 63rd day of treatment, just since then. I've been in treatment a few other times earlier this year as well. It's been a lot of hard work, but it's changed my life by leaps and bounds within only three months. When I left school I was a totally different person than I am now.

To make a long story short, I was abused as a young girl. Emotionally, verbally, mentally, and sexually. It destroyed my self-esteem, and I felt like I had everything stolen from me. After years of stuffing everything away I finally collapsed in 2015. I became extremely suicidal, was huffing, engaging in self-harm, extremely dangerous promiscuity, having anxiety attacks, and developed an eating disorder. I have tried to take my life about five times, probably more. I was in the hospital once a month while in college, terrifying my friends and family. Depression destroyed me, and my social anxiety was out of control. I would avoid the cafeteria at school and go days without eating because I didn’t want to see people. I stayed in bed for days at a time and skipped my classes because my chest was so heavy that I couldn’t even breathe. I was at the end of my rope and there was nothing left for me. At least that’s how I felt.

During finals week I was self-harming so dangerously that I couldn’t stay in school, so I left four days early to go into treatment. Once I was strong enough, I went back to campus and gathered my things. I came back home to Pittsburgh and began more treatment. I was only here for a few weeks and then I left to do residential in Philadelphia. I was there for twenty-six days, and then I returned home again. I completed a day program, and now I am in the lowest level, IOP, or Intensive Out-Patient. Within the next two weeks I will be finished with my treatment and back into the swing of normal life!

The last time I attempted to take my life was March of this year. It was just three days after my birthday, and I have never been the same. It was the most serious attempt I had ever made, and I came very close. Doctors have told me that it is a miracle I survived all of my attempts, and it’s hard to believe that I did.

The thing is, recovery is a choice I have to make everyday. It never stops, I’m always fighting for the life I want. And that is how it’s always going to be. We fight for what we want in this life, we work hard for our dreams and we are blessed with the ability to do so. It is a daily process of challenging our thinking. We need to think about what we are thinking about. It’s about learning to reappraise your deepest hurts and being honest about every slip up. It’s about learning to trust the Lord more and depend on your self less. It’s about surrender and commitment. It’s about learning how to feel so that you can let go. Lean into the discomfort, that's what they say.

I never thought I would want to live. I never thought I would be able to make it more than a week without cutting myself or purging. Here I am, 118 days self-harm free!!! With a different mind, a different body-image, and a different outlook on my life. Recovery is hard as hell, but worth every hellish moment you fight for it. If you feel weak, let the Lord become your strength. If you feel alone, remember that He is always with you. If you’re scared, remember that He can be your courage. He will give you your worth, your fight, your will, and your light.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

43469
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

27334
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

952246
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

145760
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments