Imagine sitting in the white washed walled doctor's office alone and hearing the words “double lung transplant” for the first time in your life. This was my experience when getting told I needed a double lung transplant.

Let’s rewind a bit to a few years prior. I was doing pretty good for my early twenties and my lung function test came back as the highest I’ve had at the adult clinic. A few months after that I plummeted, meaning my lung function went down so low I couldn’t walk about a couple feet. I immediately went into the hospital. I felt as if I was searching for some kind of air and couldn’t find it. Thankfully I was able to bounce back from that. After that scary downfall of my lungs, I went back to my everyday life. I exercised and danced in college.

I feel like after this scary incident, my lungs could never get back to their full potential because a couple years later I started to require IV antibiotics a lot more frequently. I ended up going from every six months to every three to four months. My lung function kept dropping little by little with every infection as it started dropping the more I needed IV antibiotics. I got to the point that in 2013 I was needing IV every two to three months and my lung function was at a crucial point. This was the point that every CF patient never wants to be at.

One day in May, I had a CF clinic appointment. It was a normal appointment. The lady dressed in a yellow gown and mask with bright blue matte gloves called my name to come back. We started with my vitals, I was like a textbook with my readings; blood pressure 120/80 and oxygen saturation about 97. We checked my weight, of course, I could be a bit heavier #CFproblems. Then it was time for my pulmonary function test, I blew into that spirometer until I turned purple. I almost always get light headed or a headache when I do it and this time was no different. My lung function was the same as last time. I remember the doctor coming in through the door. I was sitting on that not so comfortable, ugly tan colored examination table. She talked to me about my recent lung function tests and how they haven’t increased for the past few months. This was concerning, but I didn’t think anything of it until she said the dreadful words, “It’s time to evaluate you for a double lung transplant.” My heart dropped. My stomach felt like someone just punched it. I had never heard those words ever in my life. Me? I needed a transplant? How? My first reaction was to break down in tears. I didn’t want my doctor to see, so I waited until she left. I was all by myself at this doctor’s appointment. I literally felt like the world landed on top of me. I felt this feeling of failure and I let everyone and myself down. The nurse came in and brought me my favorite chocolate candy bar and a shoulder to cry on.

I left the office in tears. I had to drive in rush hour traffic. Thoughts ran through my head, how was I going to tell my parents? What goes into a transplant? Am I going to die? Does this mean I am dying? It was a lot to take in, I had to speak to someone. I called my best friend even though I knew she was at work, I needed her. Thankfully, she answered right away and I lost it. She reassured me that I was going to be okay. Honestly, it was hard to agree with that. How did she know I’d be okay. I just said “okay” and “I know” just to please her and my own thoughts. Maybe if I said it more I’d believe it. I talked to my boyfriend after and he told me that we would get through this. I don’t know why but hearing that “we” would get through this made me feel a sense of relief and helped me believe that I wasn’t alone. It was those words that calmed me down. Every person needs a support system in their life that will go through the rough time with you. Without them, I know I wouldn’t be as optimistic as I am.

After this appointment I put off doing testing for my evaluation for a couple months. I was too scared to start it and didn’t really want to come to terms with my health declining to this point. I ended up finishing all the testing in 4 months and then meeting with the transplant team after. It was a very overwhelming experience, but what I got out of it was much more than I ever thought. I came out of this with a positive outlook on transplant. Even though I needed a transplant, I knew that it was very successful, it’s a second chance at life, and a donor’s legacy will live on through me. I am so thankful to be listed and waiting. I have been waiting for two and a half years and I feel blessed.

I never understood transplant until I had to get evaluated. I remember the Donate Life people coming in and talking about it in my ninth grade health class and that’s the only knowledge I had of it. At the age of 24, I had no idea what transplant was except they place someone’s organ inside of you. There is so much more to it than that. One person can save up to eight lives. That’s incredible to me.

As I sit here waiting for a double lung transplant, I think about how many other people are waiting. I think about my future donor and their family and hope they are having a great day. I think of the people that don’t understand donation and are not donors. I think that knowledge is power and every person should learn about organ donation. We need to have more education about organ donation. I think the only way we will have more donors is to have more awareness. My hope is that we will get to the point that everyone is a donor and the waiting list will be gone.