Hey you,

As selfish as this sounds, I try to avoid thinking about you. because whenever I do it feels like my entire world is crashing around me all over again. I miss you so much. I know that no matter how hard I try, there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about you. Every day something new happens and you're the first person I want to tell. And then it hits me all over again. It hits me like a brick when I remember I can't just call you to tell you everything anymore. I know I probably look like I've lost my mind when I start talking at no one, but I just want you to hear me, wherever you are.

We used to talk about the future. Every time I pictured mine you were right next to me. I never thought I would have to face it all alone. We always talked like we would live forever, and I really thought we would. You lived part of your life without me in it, but I never wanted to live in a world without you in it. This was never an adjustment I wanted to make. I still don't understand why you were taken from me so soon, I probably never will. However, I will always be so incredibly grateful that I got the chance to know you.

Everything reminds me of you. Every birthday and every holiday is like ripping a bandaid off each year. The most wonderful time of the year is sometimes the most painful. I'm reminded of how unfair it is. I'm reminded that you should be here, I should be buying gifts for you to open, and I should be watching your face light up when you do. Instead, I am left to wonder what you would ask for for Christmas or for your birthday. It never gets easier, really. There's always a missing piece, a hole in my heart, something isn't right. It's been that way since you were taken from me. Over time this has faded, but it's still there, I still notice it sometimes.

Sometimes it's hard to breathe when I remember you're gone. I know that it's been a little while now, but the pain hasn't changed much, though it's not as frequent. It still comes in waves, washing over me when I least expect it only to knock me off my feet and try to drown me again. It never does though, not completely. It fills my lungs up, but then it's gone as fast as it came and I am left to pick up the pieces and keep moving as always.

I always wonder how different I would be if you were still here. I probably would have made a lot less of the dumb decisions I've made. You were always the only one I would listen to. I wonder what you would have to say about the person I am now. I bet you wouldn't believe how different everything is. You were my everything, you still are. We knew each other like the backs of our hands, I wouldn't have traded that for anything. I hope you are the happiest you have ever been, I hope you don't feel any pain, I hope you are with everyone you love. Say hi to them for me.

My only hope is that I am making you proud. You were the most amazing person, you did everything you could to make everyone around you happy even when you weren't. I am doing my best to do just that. I always have, and probably always will, strive to be even half the person you were. What I wouldn't give to have you back with me, even just for a day. I know you would tell me to shut up and stop crying all the time, and you would convince me that I am stronger than I know, just like you aways did.

There will never be anyone that could love me the way you did, and I will never be able to forget that. Thank you so much for taking me in when you really didn't have to. I wasn't your responsibility, but you made me your priority. Of course we didn't always see eye to eye but you never let me forget how much you loved me, even on our worst days. Thank you for everything you did for me. The world has looked a little darker since you've been gone, but I know you are looking down on us and smiling. No one deserves to be at peace more than you. Thank you for everything.

I will love you forever and ever. Miss you always.

All my love.