I never let it hit me until Christmas Eve night that there is a missing piece of Christmas. I do my best to forget about this piece, but no matter what it alway's come back. I can manage to not think about it for the entire month and actually be in the Christmas spirit, but once December 24th rolls around that all changes.

I'm the type of person who always has last minute wrapping to do. Christmas Eve is the night I finish everything up. I wrap, I write out cards. I place labels on presents that don't already have labels on them. However, these last two years I go to write out your card, or I go to wrap your present and I come to the realization that it's not there. It's such a strange feeling. It's a feeling that I'll never get use to.

It's been two years. Two years since you passed away, but when the holidays roll around or November comes up. I start to think, my mind takes me to places I don't want to go, but can't help it. It's never going to be the same and it's never going to change. I mean hell, two years ago I had your gift planned out. I had an idea of what I was going to get you and I had it in my shopping cart online. I just never got to purchase it. The gift that I once thought you liked didn't matter and I removed it from my cart.

I try not to let this ruin my Christmas, because I know you wouldn't want it that way, but I can't help it. It's not easy and it sucks that I only saw you around the Holidays since you lived in Massachusetts and that was always a pretty long trip away. I cherished the moments we spent together although these moments came to an abrupt ending.

The holidays will never be easy and I'll never find joy in Christmas the same way I did, but I will do my best to. I hope family and friends can bring me joy this Christmas, but remember I will never forget you and I will always love you, Aunt, Robin.