If you follow my articles, you probably saw my article floating the realm of Facebook titled, "10 Ways To Know If A Loved One Is Struggling." If you did not have a chance to read it, I talked about important warning signs of depression and suicide. It is easy to by-pass the warning signs - shake it off by rolling your eyes, blame it on their "attitude", or just shy away from the entire situation - because you are really scared of what could happen and don't know how to fix it. Again, you don't know how to fix it. OK, you know the warnings. Now what? This is so important and is the step most people get stuck on. I won't sugar coat it - this is really tough. You can't fix or change how a person feels, but you can lead them to the help and resources they so desperately need. We need to stop reacting. We need to be receptive to seeing what is going on beneath all the "debby downer" behavior. We need to stop taking other people's feelings personally and realize when someone's actions or behaviors are a cry for help. I found a great quote earlier in the week, "the biggest communication problem is we don't listen to understand. We listen to reply." Let's stop replying and do something meaningful instead.

6 Things To Do When You Know A Loved One Is Struggling:

1. Ask Them And Mean It, "How Are You?"

This question means a lot. A small percentage of people genuinely care about how you are doing when it is asked. It has become a 'cultural' expectation to ask, "How are you?" just as one might say hello to someone in passing. It is generally not meant to provoke conversation. A lot of people ask out of habit rather than empathy.

Meet with your loved one. Take them out to lunch. Pull them aside for a few minutes. Whatever you decide to do, genuinely engage in the conversation. Be mindful of what is going on - what is the body language, the inflection in their voice, the content of what they are saying, etc. Someone who is struggling is much less likely to trust you and share what is going on, if the other party does not appear fully engaged or compassionate.

2. Stop Judging!

Again I will be honest - it is really hard to empathize with a depressed person when you don't know someone who has gone through it or have not gone through it yourself. I understand that. What is not OK is driving your lack of perception and empathy into the person struggling. Take it seriously when I say one hard feeling or miscommunication can lead to another's death. When someone is contemplating suicide, they are already thinking about ending their lives. They already have this extreme negative view point of the world and their future. You don't know if this person has reached an emotional cliff hanger. You don't know if one more negative situation will be confirmation to follow through with the suicidal ideations. It is not OK to further drive a person into desperation solely because you don't understand what is going on.

OK - so what I just said is a lot. Let's break it down - if you are feeling frustrated or upset, take a break. Take a step back. Responding out of emotion will only escalate what is going on. Accept the loved one is experiencing a very dark and negative mind set and to a certain point, it is extremely hard to turn it around - especially without professional help. You don't need to understand it, but the goal should be to calm the person down, and find a positive plan to move forward. Remember - you can't fix what is happening, but you can help what is happening.

3. Give Them A Call/Visit Them

So your best friend sent you an alarming message. Although it is scary, it should be understood if a loved one confides this information, they don't actually want to die. It is a cry for help after a long road of disappointment and sadness. Give them a call and make sure they are OK. Sometimes the person will just need to vent, or needs someone on the phone with them until they are feeling less emotionally aroused. Visit them. Just show up where they live - even if they don't want company. If someone is being a bit MIA... doing this might save a life. In a time of crisis, it takes one person to do something positive to save someone's life. It is never bad or wrong to tell a loved one's parents or call professionals like 911. When it comes to saving someone's life, it no longer matters whether someone will get mad at you or not for caring.

4. Ask, "What Can I Do To Help?"

This means you care. Sometimes we really don't know what to do. By asking this, we are showing we want to help. By asking this, we are showing compassion - but not making assumptions about the person's needs. This gesture shows we are listening - NOT replying.

5. It Is Not Ok To Gossip About a Loved One's Struggles

This is a huge no. There is a difference between notifying professionals or family because someone is in crisis and talking about sensitive topics to people not directly involved with the situation. Please don't be 'that person.' If word travels through the grape vine to the person regarding what is going on, it will not only hurt their feelings, but they probably won't trust you like they did in the past. Feeling rejected can again escalate a person's feelings of depression and isolation. Again - this leads to suicide.

6. Get Informed!

If depression was not a stigma less people would be killing themselves. Talk about it. Share you personal experiences. Join a chapter of Active Minds. Attend a therapy session. Talk to someone who has a mental illness. Read about it. Join an organization in your community. Volunteer for a crisis line. This extra information could save someones life when you're least expecting.

Change starts with us. It is time to start informing ourselves and others. It is time to start saving lives. Suicide Prevention Month may be over, but it does not mean we should stop talking about it.