When I was about 8 or 9 years old, I had a dream that I grew up, became a doctor, got married, and had six kids. Now I'm 21 years old and all I've done is grow up. I'm not working towards a medical degree, and there has been zero indicators that I have found the love of my life.

My family is full of love. My mother and father have an amazing love story, my oldest siblings got married by the time they were 21, my older sister married by 23, then there's me. Don't get me wrong, I've had guys I have "loved," but none of them gave me the, "oh my gosh, we're going to get married and love each other forever" vibe, but they all taught me so much... Incidentally, each and every one of my 'major' boyfriends are now in happy and long relationships. Maybe I'm the girl who is just the step before finding the love of your life.

So when is it my turn?

Maybe love isn't in the cards for me.

As I've grown older, my views on love have changed completely.

In elementary school, I fell in love every day. I had about 50 boyfriends and they all knew about each other.

Middle school, I fell in love with one person and stayed that way... all through middle school I was in love with Aaron. He was it on a stick. He was cute, funny, popular, and, at the Catholic school, he was considered a bad boy... so just my type. Our "love" taught me a lot, but I never got that feeling.

Freshman year of high school, I had my first kiss (in a supply closet at school). But that's all it was, my first kiss. Then I got my first boyfriend. Date nights, holding hands through the halls and seeing each other almost every day. This was my first real "love." We broke up after almost a year, and to this day I will always love him and wish nothing but the best for him. I'm glad we're no longer together though because that wasn't the love that lasts forever.

After that, I met a cute, sweet, and funny 'younger' guy. This "love" was the best one to date. He loved me and I loved him. We started dating the beginning of my senior year and although it was rough and young, I thought that I had found that feeling. However, after a year, I broke his heart and went away to college. Was it fear or was the feeling I thought I found completely incorrect? Whatever the case may be, that was the first real thing I had felt for anyone.

College has been the worst. My first year was the best, I met so many people. I was going out, having fun, and just being myself. Stress-free, I wasn't looking for anything serious and I didn't find anything that serious until a blind set up the second semester. That relationship almost lasted two years, and that's the closest I think I've been to the feeling. Boy did I love him, but it didn't work out like I thought it would.

A lot of "love" but nothing lasts.

So now where am I? Lost.

Do I want this "love" feeling, or am I just jealous because I don't have anything that special in my life? The answer isn't simple, I want a lot and I don't know if it's even realistic.

I want freedom. I want to know that I could pack up a bag, grab my keys, and head out the door without having to ask anyone. When I find love, will he let me get up and leave for a week just because I want to take a trip, or will I need to constantly check in? I want to go all day off the grid and not come back to my phone having 300 messages asking where I am.

I want romance. It's so hard to find romance. I've grown to realize the phrase "hopeless romantic" is truer every day and that's sad. I have yet to find someone that I can have a conversation with for more than 4 hours without sex being brought up. I just want a daisy every now and then.

I want independence. I want to work and make a name for myself. I want someone to ask me who I owe my fortune to and I want to be able to say myself. I don't mind being taken care of, please take care of me, but let me take care of myself too. Can't we both just be independent together?

I want passion. I want someone to be as passionate about me as they are about their work or their life. I am passion driven, if you have a conversation with me and I can feel your passion, you automatically have my attention. I've found that when one or both partners lose their passion, I can't be in a relationship like that.

I want to have fun. My past relationships have started out fun, but over time became more of a job than a relationship. I don't like schedules, I don't like plans, I want a spontaneous partner that I can constantly joke with and really enjoy our time together.

Don't give up.

Although I have loved a lot, I haven't found that 'love' that everyone brags about and dreams of. I have grown to love myself, and for now, that's fine, but we all get lonely. I believe that there is someone for everyone and maybe I just haven't found him yet, however, I'm not going to worry about it too much. I have plenty of time and a pile of things I can be doing. I won't lose hope, but I also won't settle. I'll find my Jim, Andy, or Schmidt. Nothing else will do.