It's painful to talk about what is painful, it's painful to show someone how vulnerable you are and how much they mean to you just for them to break your heart. I am not going to apologize to you because that would be reliving a horribly painful incident. Right now it feels like i'm being buried alive. My whole identity is shattered. Sometimes the pain can be even stronger. I loved you. i loved you until all i did was suffer. You broke me, i don't think it was you cheating on me. i think it was you planning a life with me and then waking up one day and acting like those plans were never made. I was no longer your source of strength, She was. But ill fix myself with anger , sadness and all the one too many drinks and drugs that made me numb. As time goes by ill fix myself. I don't know if i can say i wouldn't do all over again because i loved you and i will continue to you love you for the rest of my life. How can you tell someone you love them everyday for 4 years and just wake up one morning and decide you don't love them anymore? How can you plan a future with someone and then throw away everything you have ever promised? Somewhere out there is someone who is waiting for a girl like me, not to fix me but to love me for who i am. I will be valued one day in the right way but it'll only happen if i set myself free from you. I will never let myself become so in love with someone who is so toxic.You told how happy you were with me and everything was calm. little did i know it was the calm before the storm.

I do wanna thank you for a few things. Thank you for teaching me how to cherish every part of me, all of me no matter how flawed i am. Thank you for teaching me to question everything, to look deeper into the meaning of things.

And most importantly, thank you for teaching me how to love myself, to be happy with how i looked, with what i had to offer the world.

Things may be over with us but Thank you.

You'll find out sooner than later that grass isn't greener anywhere else. Next time when things are tough and you are where you are right now. i wont be here to answer your calls. i wont be here to write you letters or come visit you. Remember that.