When I started college, I thought I knew a lot of things. I knew what I wanted to do, I thought my beliefs were all set in stone, and I thought I would never change. I’d always been told I was mature and that I had a good head on my shoulders. I knew what I was doing.
My freshman year, I changed my major, probably more than once. I don’t even remember now. I made new friends who caused me to change my opinions and who I was. And I didn’t always change for the better. I just wanted to fit. I ended up changing my major from General Studies (with the intent to transfer after two years) to English, to Communications, and back to English before landing on History, which is what I’ll have a degree in when I graduate in December. Looking back, there are so many things I wish I had known when I first began this crazy ride. Things no one ever tells you about but everyone learns the hard way.
Whatever you think now is probably wrong. I don’t say that to be hurtful, but to rip off the band-aid. When you finish high school, you have this ideal picture of how college is going to go and how our life will pan out. I really wish I didn’t have to tell you that whatever you’re picturing things probably isn’t how they will develop. I saw a Tweet the other day from a girl who was ready to finish up her high school career, and it said something to the effect of, “I know exactly what I want in life, and if I believe and work hard, everything will fall into place.” My sweet friends, I am so sorry that that isn’t true. Sometimes, even when you do everything right, you’re good to people, and you work your butt off, life still sucks. You don’t always get what you want or what you deserve, and that isn’t fair. I wish I could tell you that going to college makes things turn out beautifully and that the injustices of high school will be far behind you. And sometimes things are amazing. But sometimes life is hard, and you’re doing yourself a disservice if you only believe that you’ll get what you want or what is fair. Sometimes bad things happen to good people, and vice versa, and I know you already know that. It’s just that it doesn’t stop when high school does. It’s how you react that matters. Which brings us to our next point…
It’s OK if your life doesn’t always look like everyone else’s Instagram or Snapchat story. This has been one of the hardest things for me to learn because I place such high expectations on myself. I see other people living their lives a certain way, having a certain amount of friends in their squad, doing specific actives in order to have fun, and I think I need that too. I see my friends graduating and getting the jobs they've worked so hard to prepare for, or I see my friends still in school who are doing whatever they need to get by, and I compare myself to them. Comparison is so deadly. It kills your joy and it makes you believe that you have to live up to a certain arbitrary standard to be happy or successful or loved. That is untrue. It’s so untrue. Regardless of how your life looks at any given moment, whether you feel like you're killing it or it’s killing you, it’s your life. And that makes it good enough. It doesn’t matter if it looks like anybody else’s life or if it looks like the picture you had in your head of what your life should be. Whatever your life is right now or whenever embrace it. It’s all you’ve got and it’s obviously what God thought you needed to have. Just because it isn’t as Insta-worthy as someone else’s doesn’t mean it’s any less beautiful.
College is hard, and not for the reasons you expect. There will be some classes you have no problems making A’s in, and there will be some that make you seriously question if you can make it. But it’s hard because people are people no matter where you go. There’ll be people who suck, just like in high school, and there’ll be times your heart just hurts. A fourth of college students suffer from a mental illness, and 75 percent of those who are depressed never seek help. Suicide is the third leading cause of death of people in college. This is why it’s so important to take care of yourself.
College puts so much stress on your mind and body, and there’s a certain expectation that we should just shake it off. We’re supposed to be young and carefree because we don’t have bills or marriages or kids yet. But that’s just not true. There’s pressure to be perfect, pressure to maintain your reputation, both the one you have in real life and the one you have online, pressure to make good grades, pressure to be thin and pretty, to fit in by joining sororities or fraternities, to drink, to have sex, to party—the ever-changing list goes on. It’s impossible to be everything everyone wants you to be, so please remember you don’t have to. The only person you’re responsible to is you. You have to be okay. You have to be able to live with yourself and your choices because you’re the one who deals with the consequences. So take care of you. If you’re not feeling well, seek help. Don’t be embarrassed or ashamed. Go to a friend, or your parents, or your school’s counseling services. Take time to make sure you’re OK, because you have to live with you long after you finish college.
College is hard. You’ll make and lose friends. You’ll change. You’ll look back on hairstyles and fashion choices and wonder what on earth you were thinking. It’s OK. It’s all part of the process. Don’t rush it. Don’t grow up too fast. Just do you and live your life, and make sure it’s a life you can live with. Make sure it’s one you love.
