Anxiety.

My internal struggle. It is something that I have dealt with since I was at least 3 years-old. I want to say that it has even controlled parts of my life at times. I do not have social anxiety or any other specific kind. I just have general anxiety. But it does not mean it is any easier to deal with then other types.

I have always struggled with it. My nerves are connected with it because when ever I am nervous or stressed my anxiety is at its worst. I have the tendency to over-think. I hate it and I wish I did not but I do. I think about a situation and I think, and think and think, till I have thought of the worst possible thing possible for the situation. Because of this, I bring myself to a very sad state and I get very down or stressed. It all matters on what the thing is. Sometimes, the overthinking seems so real I will even cry.

When I am in an a situation that makes me nervous and anxious I constantly move my leg. I will keep moving it and bobbing it up and down none stop. It is like my tick that I have and I can not stop as long as I am still in the anxious situation. I know I probably look stupid doing so, but it is something that I do unintentionally.

Breakdowns and Anxiety Attacks. This is something that happens often when I am going through a lot of stress. I will get overwhelmed and very upset and I just start having an anxiety attack. I start crying and struggling to stay calm. They only last a few minutes, but it's a natural reaction for me during situations that cause me massive stress. Breakdowns are something that occur when I did not have the anxiety attack or held a lot of things in. Breakdowns are much worst for me because it takes me a lot longer to calm down. They are both struggles that I go through that are hand in hand with my anxiety.

Since I was young, I have always stressed and worried about things in the future. I was never the kind of person that could just think about the now and what needed to be done at the moment. I always had to think ahead. I was 3 years old and working about not having a prom date. No normal 3 year old would even be thinking about their prom and whether they would have a date or not. But it was a concern of mine. I just always thought ahead. Even in elementary, middle and high school and especially now in college. All I think about is the future and what I have to do to get there. I could have an essay due in 3 months, and it will be the biggest concern of mine right now because I know about it. I know it is due and that it needs to be as close to perfect as possible.

Not Everyone Understands. Other than the internal struggle of dealing with the hardships of anxiety, there is also the problem of people not understanding. People make fun of me when they see me doing my tick, or they do not understand what is going on when I have an anxiety attack or breakdown. It is also not something that is easy to explain especially in the moment. I wish people would be more opened and understanding.

Anxiety...is something that I do not wish on anyone. I know I am not the only one that struggles from it. I also know that people have it worst then me or there struggles are tougher. All I want to say is that...you are not alone. So many people understand or go through similar things as you. You have people you can talk to and people that can be there to help you. Do not be afraid or ashamed, because it is apart of you. You can get help if it is so bad that you want to change. But do not let anyone get you down because they do not understand.

Anxiety is my internal struggle, and I was finally able to talk about it after all these years.