To My First Love, It Was Neither Of Our Faults
Start writing a post
Swoon

To My First Love, It Was Neither Of Our Faults

You promised so many things. Then again, so did I.

689
To My First Love, It Was Neither Of Our Faults
brenkee via Pixabay

An Open Letter to My First Love:

I didn’t know that you would be the one that every single person has to compare themselves to when they look at me and see you reflected back. I kept a key under the welcome mat back then, but it was pointless because I left my heart unlocked anyway with no fear of being ruined. Back in those days, I hadn’t built walls higher than the Empire State Building to close off anyone seeking destruction. I had yet to worry about safety and barely knew a thing about loyalty. If we’re being honest, my younger-self was open all to you.

When we met, I saw my whole world unfold. It really was like love at first sight and I, the logical one that I was, hate to admit that you were right. When we spoke for the first time, I could feel my heart beating out of my chest and the butterflies kept fluttering, fluttering and falling. I felt like I was falling. However, you were sure to catch me.

I’ll never forget the first time you told me you loved me. We were so young and naive, but I knew that the words you spoke to me were full of life and wonder and the love that I had waited on for so long. So, for the first time in my life, I didn’t overthink my own intentions and spoke back: “I love you, too.”

I felt myself opening before I could stop. You promised me forever, but what first love doesn’t? The promise held so much weight. You promised so many things. Then again, so did I. I promised myself and I promised you, but more importantly, I promised us that I wouldn’t let it die. It hardly seems fair to blame either of us for the ultimate destruction of the innocence to love.

For we were nearly rotten from the start when you really think about it. The odds were always stacked against us since first lovers rarely last. Despite that, though, I do believe in the underdog. I always believe love triumphs all. You see, I may have been the logical one, but I also am a hopeless romantic deep down and I know things could have gone differently.

I’m sorry for everything I did to contribute to our end. I hope that you someday will forgive me because as I write this, I forgive you. I forgive you for every night that I cried without you. I forgive you for the feeling of my heart falling from my chest as you told me goodbye for the last time. I forgive you. I also forgive myself. I forgive myself for letting you go. I forgive myself for all the hours I spent obsessing over the space in my heart you used to fill. And I forgive myself for not being good enough because that’s the reality, isn’t it?

In no way do I mean to be self-deprecating, but sometimes you find truth within deprecation. I wasn’t good enough then. I wasn’t ready for the love you offered me. I wasn’t ready for commitment. I may have been open to love, of course, but that doesn’t mean I was ready for it. The door to my heart (as cliche as it is) truly was yours to enter and explore. However, you can not confuse openness with preparation.

You prepare for a hurricane by boarding up your windows and bunkering down with supplies. And I just want you to know that your love is more powerful than any hurricane would dream to be. So, when I said I was open for your love, I meant that I was open to let you fill me and drown me. I was open, but I was not built yet to withstand your force.

I guess what I’m really saying is that I love you still. I believe it is impossible to stop loving once you start. I love you, but I accept that we weren’t meant for each other even if it felt like it was the way my world was meant to unfold. One day, maybe, we’ll find our way back together in some way… friends, lovers, or more. But for today, I want to say: Thank you for our time. Thank you for loving me when no one else could.

Yours,

The Girl Who Was Washed Away In A Storm Drain

Report this Content
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

41550
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

26040
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

951353
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

134953
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments