I recently experienced my first break-up. We hadn't been dating that long, but I learned several important things from this short-lived relationship and realizing I won't be seeing him again. This relationship was my first as a woman, for I had never dated before I transitioned to the woman I am now. I wrote another article recently about my experience with dating apps, but I have since deleted all of them and met this person at a bar- let's call him M.

The night M and I met- I was partying at a local bar with a dance floor and was living it up with some of my older friends that night. I had a few drinks already and was feeling pretty tipsy. Towards the end of our time at the bar, I noticed someone eyeing me from the bar. I approached him, we started talking, and before I knew it I was incredibly interested in someone I didn't even know. We talked for what seemed to be forever until my friends dragged me out, but not before we exchanged numbers. We started messaging each other a lot over the next few weeks and even going out a few times. I was also so into him because he knew I was trans, and he didn't even care. My experience in the online world made my feel emotionally cynical about people,which made me believe he didn't actually know about me at first. I asked him if he knew I was trans to which he answered yes, but that it also didn't matter in the end. Ah, those sweet little nothings in my ear.

But there were Red Flags about him I should have taken a greater look at instead of simply shrugging them off. For starters, he was the not the best communicator. Now I admit I have a busy life too, but I still find time to respond to the missed calls and silent text messages I receive. I also learned this valuable belief from my girlfriends, "People will make the time for you if they care about you." I took his lack of communication as him being busy from work as he is graduated and I am still in college. But calls after midnight are not the greatest sign from someone you are trying to build something with. This went on for some time during our short relationship and began to weigh me down. I began to feel unimportant in his life and felt I was becoming more of a burden than a benefit by sending him one-sided messages hours after he still hadn't responded to my previous message. I learned from this experience that healthy and open communication can be done over the phone and not always in person, although in-person communication is key too.

My personal safety and comfort were also thrown into jeopardy. I found myself giving into doing things for him I didn't feel completely comfortable doing just to please him. It was at this point I began wondering if this was becoming toxic. When I voiced my concerns with him, he would emotionally manipulate me into believing I was freaking out over nothing and argued he knew what he was doing. I began to rely on my girlfriends for advice after he would do this repeated behavior to stiffly my own needs. They grew increasingly worried about me when I told them the hings he did. My main concern then was trying to keep my first actual relationship intact because it was my first ever. Luckily, my girlfriends were able to get through to me saying these feelings were not normal nor healthy.

If I had kept this relationship a secret from them, I would probably have given into his demands that disregarded my own personal safety, my needs, my comfort, and my health. I gave him an ultimatum of respecting my needs- when he didn't, I knew that was it. It hurt at first realizing it was over, but after a few days I started feeling better and telling myself that I am worthy of a healthy relationship and deserving of someone who will respect and understand me.