Why Women End Up In Bad Relationships

This Is The Kind Of Woman Who Gets Stuck In Bad Relationships With Men

Full disclosure: I have been all of these women.

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The woman who responds to texts in a heartbeat (or sends multiple texts), even though it takes him forever to respond.

The woman who tries too hard for a man who doesn't try at all--or even deserves a sliver of her attention, to be honest.

The woman who ignores her gut feeling about a man that's telling her He doesn't actually give a shit or He just wants to get in your pants, and believes his sweet, empty words instead.

The woman who doesn't believe in her own value and, therefore, ends up with men who don't believe in it either.

The woman who can't end a relationship because she's afraid to be alone, and she'd rather settle for men who don't know how to make her happy--or care enough to try.

The woman who tries to change his mind when he's decided we want different things, and keeps hoping he'll eventually change his mind.

The woman who gives and gives and gives without return--in healthy relationships, there isn't even the question of whether there will be return.

The woman who gives into pressure, even if she worked up the courage to set up her boundaries.

The woman who loses herself and her heart in the heat of the moment.

The woman who refuses to listen--to everyone and everything around her that tell her Stop, and look at yourself. You've never been so miserable. Who is he to do this to you? Or you to allow him into your life?

The woman who needs to feel needed by other people, but doesn't care much about herself.

The woman who cannot stand to be alone.

The woman who doesn't know how to love herself and cannot show men how to love her.

The woman who believes she deserves to be punished by abusive relationships--or that this is the best she'll ever have.

The woman who feeds off of attention and affection as an essential ingredient for making it through the day, the night, the week.

The woman who takes excuses--excuses that mean absolutely nothing to the man at all, instead of putting him back in place.

The woman who believes the world will be kind to those who are kind to the world when, in fact, it can be quite the opposite.

Admittedly, I have been all of these women stuck with all of the wrong men. I am not to blame for the actions of others, but I am responsible for allowing those behaviors to continue and not insist on the treatment I deserve. The major turning point in my life was when I was with a man who insisted he loved and cherished me but left in a heartbeat--all because I stuck to my own values. Up until that point, emotional blackmail tended to be much more subtle--then it became so blatant, it sent shockwaves throughout my entire sense of self. What if none of this is about me? How can someone so obviously disrespect me and my decisions? How do I move forward and find someone who is worthy of me?

The question used to be: how do I make him see me as worthy? You can't. What you can do is be a respectable, high-value woman and ask yourself: is this a man who is worthy of you? Does he deserve to be with you? You cannot put yourself second to a partner or, frankly, almost anyone else. The man who is worthy of you will insist on putting you on an equal level and will never, ever make you feel lesser than him.

I cannot promise myself that I will not repeat these same mistakes, because we all make mistakes all the time. However, I have been able to better think about what led me to make them and how I can move forward in better relationships over time. Part of what had to change is the people I choose to love, but the other part involved changing myself. And boy, it's been a long road, but I'm grateful for all the lessons I picked up along the way.

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I'd Rather Be Single Than Settle: Here Is Why Being Picky Is Okay.

They're on their best behavior when you're dating.
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Dating nowadays described in one word: annoying. What's even more annoying? when people tell you that you're being too "picky" when it comes to dating. Yes, from an outside perspective sometimes that's exactly what it looks like; however, when looking at it from my perspective it all makes sense. I've heard it all, "He was cute, why didn't you like him?" "You didn't even give him a chance!" "You pay too much attention to the little things!"

What people don't understand is that it's OKAY to be picky when it comes to guys. For some reason, girls in college freak out and think they're supposed to have a boyfriend by now, be engaged by the time they graduate, etc. It's all a little ridiculous; however, I refuse to put myself on a time table such as this due to the fact that these girls who feel this way are left with no choice but to overlook the things in guys that they shouldn't be overlooking, they're settling and this is something that I refuse to do.

So this leaves the big question: What am I waiting for?

Well, I'm waiting for a guy who...

1. Wants to know my friends.

Blessed doesn't even begin to describe how lucky I am to have the friends that I do. I want a guy who can hang out with my friends. If a guy makes an effort to impress your friends then that says a lot about him and how he feels about you. This not only shows that he cares about you but he cares about the people in your life as well. Someone should be happy to see you happy and your friends contribute to that happiness, therefore, they should be nothing more than supportive and caring towards you and your friendships.

2. Actually, cares to get to know me.

Although this is a very broad statement, this is the most important one. A guy should want to know all about you. He should want to know your favorite movie, favorite ice cream flavor, favorite Netflix series, etc. Often, (the guys I get stuck on dates with) love to talk about themselves: they would rather tell you about what workout they did yesterday, what their job is, and what they like to do rather than get to know you.

This is something easy to spot on the first date, so although they may be "cute," you should probably drop them if you leave your date and can recite everything about their life since the day they were born, yet they didn't catch what your last name was.

3. How they talk about other women.

THIS IS CRUCIAL FOR FINDING A NICE GUY. It does not matter who they're talking about, if they call their ex-girlfriend crazy we all know she probably isn't and if she is it's probably their fault. If they talk bad about their mom, let's be honest, if they're disrespecting their mother they're not going to respect you either. If they mention girl's physical appearances when describing them. For example, "yeah, I think our waitress is that blonde chick with the big boobs." Well if that doesn't hint they're a complete f* boy then I don't know what else to tell you. And most importantly calling other women "bitches" that's just disrespectful.

Needless to say, if his conversations are similar to ones you'd hear in a frat house, ditch him.

4. Phone etiquette.

If he can't put his phone down long enough to take you to dinner then he doesn't deserve for you to be sitting across from him. If a guy is serious about you he's going to give you his undivided attention and he's going to do whatever it takes to impress you and checking snapchat on a date is not impressive. Also, notice if his phone is facedown, then there's most likely a reason for it. He doesn't trust who or what could pop up on there and he clearly doesn't want you seeing. Although I'm not particularly interested in what's popping up on their phones, putting them face down says more about the guy than you think it does.

To reiterate, it's okay to be picky ladies, you're young, there's no rush. Remember these tips next time you're on a date or seeing someone, and keep in mind: they're on their best behavior when you're dating. Then ask yourself, what will they be like when they're comfortable? Years down the road? Is this what I really want? If you ask yourself these questions you might be down the same road I have stumbled upon, being too picky.. and that's better than settling. :)

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Dear Dads, Every Day Is Father's Day, Especially Today

To all the wonderful dads out there: you are LOVED!

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Today, we celebrate you dad. Whether you're the sports dad, the music dad, the car dad, the engineer dad, the math dad, the religious dad, the protective dad, or some combination of the above, we want to celebrate you!

You have showed us what it means to be hard-working.

You tend to work overtime at your job and bring your work home. You care a ton about your employees and treat them with the utmost respect. You deal with your clients carefully, determined to fully satisfy their requests of your company. You have taught us to work diligently until the task is finished, take your time on projects to ensure completion to the highest standard, and always communicate effectively with clients and employees.

You have showed us what it means to be loyal.

You've remained loyal to caring for the family for as long as we have been alive. You've remained loyal to your clients and employees. You've remained loyal to your trade by pursuing it for over 25 years. You've remained loyal to us by attending our ceremonies and graduations. You've remained loyal to our mom by staying married and working through everything. You've remained loyal to your siblings by always being a shoulder for them. You've remained loyal to your parents by making time to remind them they are loved. Most importantly, you've remained loyal to the Lord, our Father through your faith and example as a dad. You have stayed loyal to all of these things, showing us what it means to remain steadfast and what things in life are worth our complete loyalty.

You have showed us what it means to love and be loved.

You've showed us that true love is not always rainbow and unicorns. We see the ups and downs that life brings you. We see that sometimes it is too difficult to show others love. We see the perfect example of how to balance life and love through you. You've showed us that to love others is to care deeply for them. You've showed us that to love others is to always want the best possible outcome for them. You've showed us that to love others is to pray for them. You've given us unconditional, everlasting love through your words, actions, support, and guidance. We've learned how to accept love, reciprocate love, and give love to those who need it most.

It is because of you dad, that we were able to grow up into the hard-working, loyal, and loving people we are today. For that, we are forever grateful. Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there. Let's celebrate them today and every day!

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