College is stressful. I don't think that this simple fact is going to be news to anyone. Between waking up early for classes, staying up late to do homework assignments, living in close contact with hundreds of other students and eating poorly because the only food you can afford after tuition is Ramen noodles and Rice Krispy treats (just kidding those are expensive too), it can be a very difficult time for anyone. For me college came with another obstacle: depression.
There is a strange stigma placed on people with mental illnesses and I never wanted to be one of them. Because of this I had a tendency to ignore my struggles and put on a brave face for the rest of the word. Recently I have rethought my outlook and have stopped hiding what I was going through. I have been overwhelmingly met with the same response: “you’re depressed? But you always seem so happy!” Because of this I have realized that everyone handles their issues in their own way.
It is really hard to succeed when all that you want to do is sleep all day. It is also, as I found out, difficult to sleep all day with the knowledge that you are doing poorly in school and that while you're laying in bed there is a class that you are supposed to be attending. It's a vicious cycle that once you fall into it can be very difficult to get out of.
In my case I did not accept what was going on until the end of my second semester even though I had been struggling with what I now recognize as depression since Middle School. I had been trying to figure out a way to deal with my feelings when I remembered that at UB, students get a certain number of free counseling sessions each semester. Even though it was the very end of the semester I decided to go in for a preliminary meeting just to see what it was like.
As I left that first meeting I was a little bit drained but also realized that this was probably a good thing for me. When I got back to UB this fall one of the first things that I did was make an appointment with Counseling Services. Now I go and see a private counselor once every two weeks and participate in a group counselling session each week.
I am not going to lie, it can sometimes feel like a burden to commit to so much counseling--there are days that I don't want to go to my appointments. I'm not even going to deny that I still have some really difficult days where my depression gets the best of me but knowing that I have a person in my life to talk to that's not going to spread what I tell them around my dorm building or take sides in my arguments has been a huge help to me.
When I first considered the idea of going to counseling I was worried about what people would think if they found out. I began to joke about having to go if I mentioned it at all but then I realized that everyone has their issues and being able to address mine is not something to be ashamed of.
If you are struggling with depression, other mental illnesses, or just want someone to talk to don't let fear stop you from getting help. At the end of the day you should do whatever is going to make you feel better.
