I remember 2013 like it was last year, because not only was it the most difficult year of my adult life, but it was the year I walked away from California State University Northridge. I remember so many thoughts running through my mind. At times, I felt like I had multiple personalities because at one point I would think to myself, “I am going to do what I have to to succeed." At other times, I would think to myself "I have everything I need here at home. Why would I go back? I don’t want to struggle.” This went on for a total of four days before I took a day off from work, got in my car and drove to CSUN to make my decision.
Everything began when I received the letter in the mail saying that it was my last chance to attend Cal State Northridge before I would need to reapply all over again. It was at that moment I got the idea to attend CSUN again. I had mixed feelings every day after that because in one ear, I had individuals telling me why I should stay and in the other ear, I had others encouraging me to go. I was pulled to both sides for very good reasons, but I knew in the end the decision had to be my choice. I want to say thank you to those who sat and listened to me vent about my decision and then gave me feedback; because of you, I was able to make my decision. Although both sides made very good arguments, I ultimately decided to go back.
For the ones who encouraged me to stay, I know it was due to my rent-free living and my secure job at Nike. I'm fortunate enough to not have to pay rent living with my dad and I am currently an Apparel Lead at the Nike outlet at Tejon. Cal State Bakersfield was also no more than 10 minutes away from my home and I knew I would always have a way there if my car was to ever break down. In the end, all of this wasn’t enough for me to stay. When it came to those encouraging me to go, they informed me that there is more to this world besides Bakersfield. My little sister said that I will probably struggle financially at first because this is such a last minute decision, but once the struggle is over, I'll be glad I made this decision. Those who cheered me on to go explained how the experience would be worth it. Even though Bakersfield was the safer decision, I knew that I couldn’t play it safe anymore and I needed to go.
When finally making the decision to go, not once did I look back or tell myself that I made a bad decision. I felt relieved, and when I dropped two grand on my tuition, I was sad that I had just spent two grand, but I knew that I put it to good use. Plus, I knew that the only thing that ever stopped me before was the financial aspect. The older I got the more I wanted from life, and I knew that the more I wanted from life, I would need to tell myself that nothing is free and if I wanted it that I would need to work for it. That is what I'm doing now for my education. Yes, I will face many obstacles whether it be commuting for a while before getting a place or a job, or struggling financially, but I know that I will be okay because this is what I want in life. I want to finish my education where I started and I started at Northridge. Even though others may not understand my decision, all that matters is that I understand and I won't stop until I am walking across stage with my degree. When I came home in 2013, I was in a rough spot in my life emotionally. Even though it took me a little longer than I expected to get back to where I want to be, that’s not the point. The point is that I am going back, no matter what it takes.
