Actually, College Doesn't Ruin Relationships

Actually, College Doesn't Ruin Relationships

My relationship has lasted through college, and so can yours.
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Being in a long-term relationship can be difficult, however, in college it's different. Dating in college is easy, for many reasons. You see that person all the time and you know what they are doing for most of the day. In college, you don't have that, especially if your significant other doesn't go to college with you.

I have been in two long-term relationships in my life, both of which were my only real relationships (real as in they weren't an elementary school childish thing). I am currently still in a relationship with a guy who I started seeing my sophomore year of high-school. Being in a relationship for as long as I have, there are times where I question what I am doing. I question whether or not I am really in love with this person or whether I am just comfortable. Every long-term relationship has these moments, and in my first long-term relationship that is what broke us up (along with other reasons).

However, in my current relationship, my boyfriend always seems to remind me why I am still with him.

Starting college I was afraid the distance (not seeing each other every day) would be too hard to handle, and it wasn't easy at first. We would talk on the phone all the time and text non-stop, but that didn't last long because of how busy we eventually got. Being apart from him all the time has given me the time and space to figure out who I am. It has given me an opportunity to grow as a person, without the growing pains of my relationship that would come with it. I have been able to work on myself without it affecting my partner in a way that would tear us apart.

Now I realize, going to college has, not only benefited me and my career, but has benefited my relationship as well. I can be on campus all week, get what I need to get done and know that when I come home for the weekend he will be there.

This time apart has given him the freedom to discover himself as well. He didn't go to a traditional four-year college, so he has had some time to live in the real world and figure out what he wants to do for the rest of his life. I am so proud of the man he is becoming and the motivation he has to build a career he is passionate about.

I'm not saying our relationship has always been easy, but we have figured out how to make it work. For us, communication has been the most important thing to work on. Along with communication, trust is also important given the distance between us (even though we are only about 45 minutes away). I know he is working and having fun with his buddies and I make sure that I am not making him feel guilty for doing so. We are still young and I don't want to control every part of his life like some girls tend to do.

With all that being said, I love my boyfriend so much. He has been so supportive and so caring throughout all the years we have been together (we started dating 10/19/13). He has been patient with me, especially when it came to teaching me about his interests (which includes a lot of motocross and dirt bikes). He has been there through thick and thin, no matter how crazy life has gotten.

I am so proud to be his girlfriend. We have made so many memories, and have had so much fun together. I hope I make him as happy as he makes me, because he has made me the happiest girl in the world.

Cover Image Credit: Stacie / Flickr

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An Open Letter to the Guy I'm Finally Getting Over

I think I'm ready to listen to the happy Taylor Swift songs again.
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I remember when all of this started. I couldn't have predicted you if I'd tried. I was so focused on myself that it took me a while to even admit I was interested in you. You were the one I didn't see coming, and then before long, you were the one I couldn't imagine leaving.

I'll be honest. I lied to myself and to everyone else for a long time. “We aren't anything serious," I'd say. “I'm just having fun." How stupid was I to think that I could resist getting caught up in you? Those months that we spent together were some of the best of my life. I didn't think it was possible for a someone to make me laugh like you did, to make me feel the way you did. You brought out a side of me I had never seen before, and even though that scared me, I didn't want it stop.

You had me so fooled.

One day, just like that, you were gone, and before I knew it I couldn't even recognize myself anymore. I couldn't imagine how someone I had given so much to could just leave like that and not even look back. The months after that was a string of waking up and losing you all over again, telling my friends I was fine one second and crying to them the next. And the second I started thinking I was okay, I saw you again. We talked, I cried, I yelled, you cried, you yelled, and for a couple weeks I pretended that everything would be okay, and you really meant it this time and we would make it. But just like before, it wasn't real.

Realizing that took me longer than I'd like to admit, but this is what I need you to know: I'm moving on. Finally, after months of dialing your number just to talk myself out of it, I can say that I'm moving on. I won't listen to sad songs anymore. I won't look at our pictures and re-live the days we spent together. I'm erasing every trace of you. I'm smiling brighter, I'm laughing louder, and if it's the last thing I do, I swear I'll find something that's better than what we had.

That's not to say that your memory won't knock the breath out of me on a Tuesday afternoon when our song comes through my headphones. That's not to say that I won't remember the promises you made me and want to scream at myself for ever believing you. But the difference is that I'll recognize the pain in those memories, and then I'll set them down and walk away. Because I'm done carrying them with me and I'm done giving you that power over me.

So don't call me up someday when I've finally forgotten your laugh; don't think about me at all if you can help it. You lost that right when you made the choices you did. This isn't some stupid love story we'll tell later down the road about how we beat the odds and came through stronger on the other side. This is done, do you understand? I'm finally done.

Years from now I'll look back on the adventures we had and laugh at how crazy we were. I'll remember the fierce happiness I felt while we were running wild together and I'll be grateful for this because it has molded me in ways I can't begin to explain. Someday I'll tell my daughter about you and pray that she learns from my mistakes, and when that day comes I'll wonder where you are and genuinely wish you the kind of happiness that I will have found.

I know you'll never read this. But I'll read this, on those nights when it feels like everything is starting to fall apart. Again and again and again, I'll read this and remind myself of the promise I'm making at this very moment, to look forward and stop letting your memory dictate my happiness. Someone wise once said, “Suddenly you'll just know, that it's time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings." Well I'm trusting that this was just one short chapter of my book, and this is me turning the page.

Onto the next.

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My Rating On Ghosting? BOO.

Just recently I found out what it was like to be ghosted, and it literally is almost worse than going through a tough breakup.

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Ghosting is literally one of the worst things I've experienced. I give it a 0/10 on my list of things I'd love to try again.

It makes you feel like everything said, any interest someone had in you, was all a complete sham. If you've got anxiety, it can keep your mind running around in circles thinking about what it is you did wrong and what you could have changed to make things work out. Your heart breaks a little no matter how little you really got to know them (unless you weren't that interested) because there was a potential that they'd be a great companion (at least until they completely disappeared, that is). Even if you say you don't care, some small part of you does and is just trying to put on a brave face. You wonder why all of a sudden the person is disinterested when nothing you did changed. It feels almost worse than a breakup, because you never got to experience the grand love affair that real couples do, and the ones who ghost never let you see it coming, whereas there's a small chance in a relationship.

If your situation is anything like mine was, there is literally no way you could have imagined being ghosted. The guy in question seemed like he cared, and was there for me every single day after we began talking. We even met in person and called each other boyfriend and girlfriend after he asked me to be official. We never got to see each other after that because of the distance, though I tried to make plans, and then the blocking/ghosting out of nowhere. There was no fight, there was no explanation, he was just gone completely.

I understand that some people go through things internally, too, and they might not feel like sticking around with someone they don't care for anymore. I get that sometimes circumstances change and that you don't want to hurt someone. What I truly don't understand is not having the decency to be honest about those things if they come up. If you don't want to be with someone, just explain to them, and then if they become too angry, or something you can't handle, you have the right to block them. Don't just do it to avoid having a potentially uncomfortable conversation. It is disrespectful and implies that the other person is no longer worth your time or effort.

I don't wish ill on the guy who ghosted me. I truly hope he has a great life, and that he achieves the things he sets out to do. I just wish I could have been there to support him along the way, for at least some time if we wouldn't have lasted. Instead, I don't even get to tell him how proud I am of him whether we would have been together or not when he does have a great life and does great things.

I know we obviously weren't meant to work out, but we were meant to be honest with each other as we promised. I never lied to him, so I wish he wouldn't have lied to me.

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