Here we are. My first semester of college is finally done. It's been a crazy ride. Everything that's happened so far has been a lot of learning, changing, growing, and overall just living. In college I have learned to be authentically me. I'm living my best life...or trying to.
There's been some amazing highs. I made an amazing friend and we are going to be roommates this next semester and I can honestly say that she has made my experience in college so much better. We make each other stronger and we build each other up and that's the kind of friendship I think everyone needs.
I learned a lot about myself. Moving 7 hours away from my family is much harder than I thought. I went through a period when I basically mourned the loss of my childhood and everything it stood for. I realized everything I knew and got used to was suddenly gone. I was in a foreign place and had to learn how to call it home for the next four years. I had to get used to being stuck somewhere...and be okay with it.
Along with the struggle I faced I realized that yeah, college is fun and even easy at times. I took advantage of easy days and slacked off and realized that when you miss work you're done. I fell so far behind I basically dug my own grave. Thanks to my amazing school and professors however, I was able to somewhat salvage my grades and pass most of my classes. It was only because my amazing teachers that saw I had potential and believed in me.
That leads me to the lows. I had some serious lows these past few months. Finding yourself doesn't come easy. I sat many days and wondered if college was really where I was supposed to be. I questioned the plans I have had for years. I doubted my skills, my intelligence, my worth. I started to believe the voices in my head from middle school and high school telling me that I'm worthless and stupid. I honestly don't know how I came out of it.
Adding to my feelings of worthlessness I had my heart broken. You find that guy and start making plans and all of a sudden he switches up on you and changes his mind. I was crushed. I let a boy dictate how I felt about myself. I regret it still. Does it hurt? Yes. Have I moved on? Mostly. Will I forget? Never. Don't ever let some greasy haired 18 year old boy let you feel like you are less. After this period of being heartbroken I found myself trying to find love in someone I shouldn't have. He painted pictures of roses and I ignored the thorns in hopes that he would fix me. Well he didn't. Only I can fix me. I got out of that when people made me realize that he was no good for me. Now I'm alone, but very much content with that fact. I am waiting for whoever decides to be in my life and stay and grow with me to become better versions of ourselves every day.
So you could say it's been hard. But I am thankful for that. I learned so much about college and myself and I wouldn't trade that for anything. This semester has been a crazy ride, and I'm so happy to finally get off and catch my breath. Here's to new challenges and adventures.
