When I "moved away" from home the first time for college, I knew that I would be back. I knew that though I was taking a majority of my material possessions with me to a whole new state and city, my home was still in Crawford, CO. Every summer and winter break since, I have come back home and settled in, because there was always a place for me to be.
Even this summer, coming back felt like home. But now, barely two months later, I am starting to realize that though this will always be my childhood place, I am preparing myself for a completely different home, one I will share with a husband (and maybe a dog or a cat, please Aaron?). I will be a wife, someone who desires to be the caretaker, the nourisher. I won't be taken care of anymore by my mom, I'll have to learn for myself how to plan out a meal every night, and not only do that but make it both healthy AND delicious.
After Aaron and I got engaged, I was even more reluctant to come home that one more time. Why would I want to leave my fiancee, especially in the first month that we're even engaged?
Each of my siblings who have been married encouraged me to take this last opportunity to really be home, without obligations, just to be here and enjoy this gorgeous valley and weather and be with my parents and sister. I miss Aaron constantly, I can't do anything without wishing he was here.
I guess it's good proof of how we feel about each other for us to miss each other as much as we do. And as painful and annoying as it is, this month will probably be a time that we look back on in ten years without regret. From here on out, we'll be avidly wedding planning like madmen, scheduling and calling and pricing and looking for apartments and jobs and all sorts of adult things. It's almost like this is our last month of childhood before we really embrace adulthood completely. A year from now, we'll both be graduated from college, married, in the full swing of jobs....
I've deviated from my original point a bit. Being home this time truly does mean something different. Mostly exciting stuff, like getting to prepare myself to be Aaron's wife (EEK!), and planning the coolest wedding this valley has ever seen. But I'm also having to make decisions about what I want to keep and throw away.
I'm packing up my room slowly but surely, and remembering all the times and dreams and moments that I spent. It was the very first room that I had MY ROOM, not shared with a sibling. All the books I read and movies I watched and things I wrote still exist in that room. After this, it becomes another guest room in my parent's house, and it will no longer be "Lexi's room."
What a weird, wonderful time to be alive.
