The loss of a person you love is a tough experience. When they’re gone, everything seems to remind you of them. You hear their favorite song everywhere and you have to delete half of your music library. Their belongings are in your possession, and you know you should give them away or something and yet you hang them up or fold them and tuck them away for safekeeping. They were such a huge part of your life that without them you don’t think you have one and you’ve forgotten how to function without them.
During the immediate time after they leave, the world just seems to not make any sense. You grieve the loss for as long as you need to, and when the pain becomes more of a soft lull in your heart, missing them becomes akin to breathing; effortless, painless, but ever-present. You finally think about moving on. However, if you’re anything like me you’re almost too loyal and moving on doesn’t seem like an option. Even though they are gone, it still feels like there’s someone to cheat on or as if getting back out there will be like spitting on their memory. By this point, it’s a matter of choice. You’ve done your grieving. You just need to take the next step; move on.
I think the biggest fear people have about moving on is forgetting. We think that moving on means we’re leaving them behind, that we’re through with remembering them and missing them, maybe even loving them, but that isn’t the case. We can keep them in our memories and even still love them after they’re gone, but we can do all of this and not make it the center of our lives. Over time, the way we miss and love someone who’s gone changes. They won’t always be the all-consuming emotions we feel at first. They can become like a picture hanging in the living room of our mind. When you walk in, you see the bigger parts of the room and it isn’t until you look closely that you see the picture.
If that loved one was your partner, then moving on doesn’t mean making that void in your heart the center of your attention. It also means possibly finding another partner and that can feel like a betrayal. It’s almost akin to forgetting someone, except it feels worse in a way, like replacing that person. It feels like you’re saying, “I’ve found someone who can take your place,” when your whole time with that person you thought no one could ever take their place. This thought of replacement is also a misconception: you can move on and find love elsewhere without replacing the person you love. You can keep the person you lost safely tucked away in a part of your heart while giving away the rest to someone new. Don’t be afraid to try again. I know it’s easier said than done, but there’s really no harm in trying.
Everyone grieves differently and sometimes the hardest step of moving on is taking that first step of admitting you should. There are all kinds of fears that go along with moving on, but there are fears that come with every new experience. With every door that opens, it’s a choice whether or not to go through it and see what life has planned. However, just because one door closes, it doesn’t mean that everything behind it is gone from your grasp. The memories you have of what was behind it will always stay with you. It's up to you whether or not you want to go through the new door and create new memories.
