When you ask people about love, they inevitably will tell you about heartbreak. I’m not exactly sure why that is, but I can imagine it is because heartbreak is one of the most vulnerable things you experience. It's something that you can’t get over unless you go through it, and the only thing that is really going to fix it is time -- a lot of time.
Here are five things I’ve learned after making it to the other side:
Relationships end, but not everything you lose is a loss.
Letting go does not make you less, but rather gives you room to become more. Sometimes growing up means you grow out of the people who used to feel like home. Moving on is hard, but it is important to remember that the right choice isn’t always the easiest.
Some days there will be a lump in your throat that you can’t seem to swallow -- it will be provoked by old pictures and your favorite love songs. But those days don’t last forever. Time really does heal all wounds.
Letting go of someone doesn’t mean you can’t still value the memories you shared.
When you close your eyes at night, all the memories you shared with the boy you thought would be your forever will come back to you. Not in a calm, enjoyable way like how you remember a sunny day spent by the pool when you were six, but like a flood.
They will sweep through you with no ability to stop, and you will be caught up in the chaos of all the different emotions that they bring. That is OK. That is normal. Remember everything -- the good and the bad. Those memories matter, and it is OK to let yourself feel whatever emotions they evoke.
Moving on is hard, but it is not impossible.
Moving on is not some whimsical experience that leaves you feeling lighter and more in touch with yourself, but rather a painful goodbye said to your puffy-eyed reflection as you wake yourself every morning with the reminder that you are alone.
Being alone is not synonymous with being lonely, so do not let the experience of heartbreak make you bitter. Falling out of love only teaches you how to fully fall in love with yourself. Relish in that.
When you become unsure of where you stand with someone, it is time to stop standing and start walking away.
Sometimes you drift away from people, but it doesn’t always happen suddenly. Sometimes it’s subtle and slow and before you have even noticed all the damage, it has already become too much to fix. That is OK. You can’t fight a battle that was lost before you even knew you were going to war. Walking away will sometimes be hard, because your mind is telling you to go the opposite direction that your heart is telling you. Some days that will be exhausting. But understand that grieving the loss of someone who is still here is something that takes a little getting use to. Walking away will not always be easy -- nothing worth doing ever is.
Life is hard, but love shouldn't be.
After it is all said and done, I think that it is important to always be grateful for the experience. Every relationship you have will teach you something. Most importantly, I hope that everyone learns that love is not complicated, and it is not hard, and if it ever starts to be, you will know it is time to move on. There are people who you will fall in love with that will be perfect, but that doesn’t mean they will always be perfect for you -- and that is OK. Timing is everything, and as much as it sucks to realize, it is the one thing you can always count on not having control over.
Heartbreak has a way of making you feel empty. I encourage you all to use that feeling as incentive to fill yourself up again. Find new hobbies, make new friends, take the time you used to spend with your significant other and spend it with yourself. Never let someone else complete you -- you are whole on your own. Being heartbroken is just a chance to fix yourself up to be a little better, a little stronger. Do not let heartbreak make you hard. Instead, use it as a way for you to get comfortable with being vulnerable.
Most importantly, I learned that sometimes love ends, but that does not mean you can ever forget how beautiful it is when it begins.
