The first time we fall in love, everything else seems to become irrelevant. The fall seems to awaken desires we never knew we had, making the fall that much more enjoyable. Unfortunately, sometimes we fall and land flat on our hearts, confused about what to do next. It is not a feeling that any amount of talks with family and friends can prepare you for; when it happens, you just have to hold on and fight through.
I was involved in a four-year relationship from the ages of 15 to 19, and when it was over, I felt like a piece of my life had been erased. I could not understand or explain the pain that I felt during those first few months. I had grown with this individual and I could not figure out how to continue growing without him until someone told me, “It’s going to hurt like hell. Get in the fetal position, grab your favorite bear or blanket, and let every tear out.” I was so afraid of crying. I felt like it only showed weakness. However, I learned that it is okay to cry when letting go of a loved one.
My journey from that situation to now was not an easy one. There were times when I was tempted to go back, or unsure of whether I would ever be happy again. I learned to breathe and take it one day at a time, and with each passing moment, I took whatever I was feeling for what it was. If I was sad, I endured it. If I was happy, I accepted it. If I was confused, I questioned it. I never repressed any emotions because I wanted to allow myself the chance to cleanse all of the emotions attached to this situation and move on. Next, I made myself enjoy the passing days, and I refused to let myself drown in my emotions. I spent hours working on my poetry, spending time with friends, and exploring any opportunities that came my way. Last, I let go of the fear of moving on. I understood that I may fall again, but it is the journey down that counts. I refused to become stuck in this place of fear and never enjoy life again.
Whether it was a six-month relationship or six-year relationship, letting go of your first love is never an easy thing to do. There will be days when you just do not understand why, and days when you cannot wait to see what the future has in store for you. What is important to remember is that you are more than the fall, and your life will continue with or without that person. Never allow yourself to feel so lost in your heartbreak that you do not realize how much more is coming your way. Life moves on, your heart will heal, and you will fall in love again. Moving on from your first love does not mean you gave up, it just means you gave yourself another chance.
