This is a response to "Stop Begging For Love".
Sometimes, life’s goggles get blurry and it can be challenging to see the bigger picture to the events happening around us. Life here on Earth is the greatest miracle and greatest mystery that we will ever know until we meet again with our Heavenly Father. While we are down on Earth, God has a goofy way of showing us that we are right where we are supposed to be despite the confusion in life’s hiccups. In the moment we might feel anxious, upset, confused, hurt, annoyed or overwhelmed. To see the big picture to all this, take a step back and think about why things happened the way they did. Have full faith that there is a bigger message being written in the stars that only God can write for us.
This happened to me today. I was driving back with a friend after coming off a much needed kickball win to go meet some of my team at a restaurant. On the ten minute drive there, I came across my ex's truck parked in a driveway. At first I didn't resonate with the truck, but I quickly realized who it was. My heart always seems to beat a little faster when this kind of stuff happens. It catches me off guard and let's be real, this isn't the person you always want to see or be reminded of. Though a lot of time has passed, the emotions of someone you deeply loved does not always leave. I was rattled, but then moved on with my day and was looking forward to hanging out with my team and eating some pizza.
Later on at the restaurant, we all went to the back patio to watch the sunset. We had been out there for awhile and it was getting chilly so we headed back inside. When we got back in, I was so preoccupied with my team that I didn't even notice the girl sitting behind our table. I did a double take and realized it was a person from my past who had severely hurt me. Years had gone by since we had seen each other and I was overcome with emotion. We had been best friends for years, lived together, and shared many mutual friends together. Not only that, but she was with her sister and good friend who I had met while visiting her out in Colorado. Before seeing her at the restaurant I had reached out a couple months prior to try and bring more closure to the situation but had received a message from her saying "she didn't have the words for me yet" which hurt me.
At that moment I made the decision to go and talk to her. The energy was heavy and it was hard to feel relaxed when everyone at that table was anxious. I told her it was good to see her and asked how she had been. I gave her a hug along with her friend and sister and went back to my group. It was a short interaction, but I knew I had to say something instead of acting like they didn't exist. It wasn't me to ignore. After that we all left the restaurant. I was overcome with emotion and slowly started to break down. Again, I had deeply cared for her and it was hard to see her and be reminded of the pain of my past.
I wondered why God was doing this to me. I had had such a joyous day with great people around me and now I was hit with two reminders of what I would say were the two greatest breakups of my life within the same day.
I pondered it.
Then it hit me.
There was a bigger picture to all of this. God was reminding me of how far I had come, how lucky I was to have the community around me that I did, and that none of it would be possible if it was not for the pain that I had to endure from my past. I had become stronger, more resilient, and a better person from the trauma. I am not the same person that I was when both of those people were in my life. I have grown so much and I am so proud to see all of the progress I have made with my confidence. It can be hard to understand why things happen the way they do in the moment, but when I took a step back and reflected on it, I knew there was no mistake that all this had occurred for a bigger reason. God knew what He was doing and wanted to remind me of the powerful purpose I have in this world and how far I have come.