"The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.”
― J.R.R Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring
After dealing with depression for about two years, I have reached a point in my life in which I can say with the utmost sincerity that I am not depressed. While that phrase may bring me both relief and joy, it also creates a feeling of uncertainty in me. Because I've dealt with a few highs and many lows in the past couple of years, learning to live a life without depression is a whole new experience that I must understand. Just the thought of this leaves me uneasy and with the question, what if I fall back into depression?
While I know that these feelings and thoughts are driven simply by my fear of the unknown, they're nonetheless present. When depression came into my life, it took away my peace of mind and left me to drown in my own sorrow and unhappiness. I felt vulnerable and weak, unable to fight back and recover. During this time of my life, I didn't feel like myself. Since I can remember, I have always approached life in a methodical and objective way where emotions and feelings represent impracticality. However, depression has changed this for me. It has made me realize that I need to approach life in a new way so that I can easily take control of my emotions when they get too overwhelming. Depression for better or worse has altered who I am as a person and how I think. It has created a certain sense of awareness in me that I am not accustomed to. As I look around, I see the world with different eyes and I constantly have to make mental checks with myself to make sure I am okay. It's a new beginning and one which I know will take time to fully figure out.
Still, no new beginning goes without its obstacles and constraints. As I start anew, my mind is my biggest obstacle. Since I know how powerful the mind can be, I recognize that it can easily become my worst enemy as it can become my greatest ally. The right mindset can help me recover the dreams I had before depression or it can lead me to find new interests. Being mentally okay can allow me to have healthy relationships once again and to repair the ones that were affected during my time with depression. A negative mindset, however, can take me back to a place where getting up from bed becomes a struggle. Life after depression is a curious and unnerving situation that I have no choice but to face.
No one wants to fall into depression and for good reason. Despite that, the World Health Organization (WHO) states that over 350 million people of all ages worldwide suffer from depression. Therefore, the thought of being depressed once again in my life isn't so far-fetched. That doesn't mean depression has to create a mindset in me that constantly worries about falling back to state of prolonged sadness. Rather, depression should be a learning experience that makes me stronger so that if I do become depressed again, I will be able to fight back. Moving forward after suffering from depression for me is a journey that will take some time but one that is worth more than anything.
