This Mother Day's I have decided to write a little something different from last.
Dear Mom,
The other day I came across the quote, "The sky looks a little different when you have someone you love up there".This quote spoke so much to me and truly hit home. I remember when I was younger and when you would get sick at home from chemo, I would run outside at night and just pray that you would get better. Now when I look at that sky from the back porch I look up and I hope that you can hear me.
For all my loved ones that meant so much to me up in that sky, I can feel your presence almost like you are helping me grow through life. I am twenty years old now, but at times I feel as if I need a little help or push that you would be giving me if you were still here mom. So usually I sit and think, what would mom say? I will admit, some things I have done that you probably would have shut down hahaha, but it is all good:)
Dad and Mom at Uncle Jimmy and Auntie Lisa's Wedding..Mom looks so pretty in this. One of my favorites.
Now, especially with the world hurting a little more than usual right now, I think everyone is starting to appreciate life a little more. Although we may be going crazy in our houses, at least we are home safe with our loved ones, and not in a hospital. I can only imagine the amount of lysol spray, lysol wipes, and other supplies you would have going right now if you were still with us. Though mom I am somewhat thankful you are not her during this scary time. Only because I would have so much fear if you ever got this horrible disease. We were lucky enough to have gotten to say goodbye to you and give you a last hug and kiss before you went. Some families cannot say goodbye to their loved one in the hospital during this time, which truly breaks my whole heart.
Eight years mom? I cannot believe it. It feels like yesterday I was sitting next to you on the "It's a small world" ride at Disney World. We were smiling, laughing and having the best time. I miss that moment so much my heart almost hurts to think about it. I would do anything in this world to just get one more day with you at Disney World, your favorite place.
Picture from one of our many Disney Trips...2005
I cannot believe I am officially in my "twenty's" but I wish you were here for all of it. Each morning I wake up trying to be my best self and try to find my purpose for this world. I am still young and still trying to find my way, though I can say you have helped me find my path.
For a while, I was in denial. I was in denial about your death and everything about it. As crazy as it might seem I would wake up on days thinking you would be in your room and it was all but a nightmare. If I could count how many birthday wishes I made when I blew out my candles, the wish I made when I threw a coin into the fountain, every dandylion I blew, my wish was for you to come back. Was for you to be sitting back in your room, just like the morning I last kissed and hugged you before I left for school.
You were such an amazing mom, one that I hope to be just as great as some day when I am one too. Although I did not realize it back then you were always putting Elizabeth and I first, nobody else mattered. You heart beamed with joy when we were so happy doing anything. Although you disciplined us like no other, it was for the good having us know right from wrong.
Christmas Day at Nana and Bubba's old house...Mom handing Elizabeth and I our Xmas gifts.
One of the kids I nanny the other day asked me about my tattoo I have of your handwriting. Then she asked about what the date meant on my wrist, I simply told her "well that is the day my mom passed away", and she gave me a sad look. Though I explained to her that it was okay because even though I lost you, I got to spend the best twelve carless, fun, and loving years with you. In that moment I started to appreciate what memories I had from those years with you. Now that I am twenty I am running around, working, and running in and out of the house, so I am so lucky to have had those years with you momma. Some memories I will treasure forever.
My first tattoo ever..In mom's handwriting..
This year I decided I wanted another tattoo in honor of you momma..I got your sign, the butterfly. It is a little butterfly following a big butterfly, representing you and I. Yes, I did keep it a secret from dad..lol.
My favorite tattoo ever..2020
Even though I could defiantly use one of your hugs right now...I can feel your presence and I can only imagine how much you miss us. Eight years really went by fast. But we are doing okay..Elizabeth and I would be lost without dad, you picked the right guy. Your whole entire family misses you so much as well, everyone. I know you never wanted to leave, we all knew it.
I hope you have a wonderful Mother's Day momma as we wish we were hugging you down here. Give everyone big hugs and kisses from me.
Love you always,
Sisi <3
