I spend more time on YouTube than I should, and a guilty pleasure of mine is watching morning routines. I suppose part of me thinks if I watch enough people having great mornings, maybe I'll be able to adhere to some sort of routine that ensures I have an excellent morning as well. In fact, I've tried to implement many of the items in morning routine lists into my daily regimen to no avail. I infamously never have my sh*t together, so I guess it really isn't a surprise. However, I believe others will (hopefully) be able to relate to this as well. Without further ado, here are my morning expectations vs. realities.
1. Waking Up
Expectation:
You wake up well-rested to the sun shining around your all white room and birds chirping with a smile on your face. You didn't even have to set an alarm, and it's two hours before you have to be anywhere. You get out of bed ready to conquer the day.
Reality:
Because life isn't a Disney movie or a mattress commercial, your alarm went off an hour ago, but you've snoozed it six times. You've gone through the mental, "I don't really need to look nice. Or shower. Or eat," and now it's five minutes before you have to leave, but your "last night's makeup-covered" eyes refuse to open after only being closed since 4 a.m.
2. Exercise
Expectation:
After waking up at the perfect time, you decide to get in your daily morning fitness to start the day off right. Maybe you'll do some yoga, maybe a morning jog. Whatever you do is guaranteed to make you feel confident and energized.
Reality:
I want to get really real with y'all here for a second. Does anyone actually do this? Like does anyone actually wake up early and workout? Because I'm pretty sure that's not real life. Reality is you've snoozed past the "Morning Workout!" alarm on your phone 45 minutes ago, and even if you hadn't, you'd be asleep on the carpet after half of a push up.
3. Breakfast
Expectation:
After your invigorating morning workout, you find yourself a bit peckish, so you decide to make yourself a fresh spinach egg frittata; you know, nothing too fancy. It's just a Monday (also, apparently you have like 45 eggs at hand at any given time).
Reality:
Yeah, as if. You ran out of time for breakfast three snoozes ago. The kitchen in the morning is just another part of the obstacle course you run through on the way to the door. If you're lucky, you may have time to pop a K-cup in. Don't worry about not eating though! You'll make up for it by binge-eating on any snack within eyesight the rest of the day.
4. Getting Ready
Expectation:
Now that you've eaten your delicious, filling frittata, it's time to get ready. You've already laid out your professional outfit the night before, so now you have plenty of time to focus on making the rest of you look impeccable. You shower, dry and style your hair, take time for your skincare routine, and complete everything with a flawless face of makeup.
Reality:
Ha! Yeah, any chance of looking remotely decent went out the window at least four snoozes ago (sensing a pattern here? Yeah, that's the real morning routine — snoozing and losing). You throw on whatever clothes are within reaching distance from your bed. You like my outfit? Thanks, I've worn it three times in the past week #vintage. Your sultry smokey eye is just retraced lines of last night's winged liner, and there's not enough dry shampoo or "cute messy bun" tutorials in the world to save the mess on your head.
5) Being On Time
Expectation:
Finally, after your perfect morning, you leave early enough to get to work half an hour early, where you get a head start on all the work you have to do. You're calm and collected. You've conquered the morning routine, and you're on your way to conquering the whole day.
Reality:
(First of all, I feel like this photo needs some sort of warning or at least an apology because Cruella Deville has scared the sh*t out of me for 15+ years. Honestly if she doesn't terrify you, get out of my face). You're late, so late, just like every other day. You haven't showered or eaten, you're wearing two differentshoes, and you're anxious and frustrated and ready to take out anyone on the road that doesn't get out of your way.
Well, everybody, that's it. Honestly, are morning routines even legitimate? I highly doubt that there's anyone who wakes up every morning and has the perfect morning. I mean, could I make things much better by going to sleep at a decent time and waking up just a bit earlier? 100 percent. Will I? Probably not. Perhaps one day I'll learn to get my act together, but until then, the only morning routine I know will continue to look a hell of a lot like this.
